Saturday, October 6, 2012
Of perfect storms and sparrows
Since I started in this new area at work, I have unvolunteered myself for a couple of things I really had no business volunteering for in the first place. I know me right now. Several things in my life right now are stressing me out big time. When I started counting them all I realized it would be even more amazing if I weren't stressed.
Today started off strange right off the get-go. The person I left at my station last night had transformed herself into a cactus. She focused her prickly laser-like vehemence on me as soon as I came in. It seems I left one thing undone which she proceeded to turn into her own personal very big deal. She left a nasty gram in bold print on my computer, detailing everything that happened as a result of my little mistake. The mistake by the way, that could have easily been corrected in about 5 minutes if she had chosen to respond in a different way.
I felt bad for her co-worker, who is a very nice lady. She was rolling her eyes behind "the talking cactus." Then later, I was scolded for not showing up to lead stretches yesterday afternoon. That was my fault, it was my turn. Not only that, I was told that my stretch leading was not adequate. I needed to hold them for 20 seconds each and include more of a variety. So I marched over and took myself off that list too.
Sometimes we disappoint people, ourselves, God. It can't be helped. I have learned some things through this, though. That if you are stressed to begin with, don't raise your hand up in the air and volunteer for more.
Sometimes you have to take care of you.
Sometimes you just have to "check out"
After the stretching incident I went outside for a few minutes to regroup and play my "Words with friends." It helped.While I was out there, I studied a little brown sparrow on the wall. I meditated on that little guy.
I noticed all the variant shades of brown. There must have been 20 that I could see. He was really a work of art. Then I remember what Jesus said about sparrows.....how they are valued by the Father. Noticed, counted. And how not one of them falls to the ground without Him knowing.
And He values you and me even more, much more, the Bible says.
I breathe deep. I start over. And now I will say a prayer for the counterpart that will come in tonight. I will be kind. Because I know there must be a reason why she acts as she does.
I also know that despite all the conditions in my life right now that are threatening to create that Perfect Storm? I have resources, I have people in my life who help me, support me, love me. And some have none of those things.
And writing about it really, really helps.
And most of all? I know the One who specializes in calming stormy seas.