Why I took a break, and why I'm back

Sometimes the blogging world gets noisy. And sometimes you even forget why you blog. And you go to a post where you feel you have held your heart out to the world...painfully so, and you get no comments. And you are disappointed. Even though you know you aren't writing for:

Accolades......Comments......Validation.....and those are all good things, that was never my motivation.

And you read all these wonderful other blogs, and you feel like your voice is just one more and it's not quite as beautiful, as esthetically pleasing....as skillful, as creative....fill in the blank.

A scribbling on a blank piece of paper could save your life, if it is just what you need to hear in that moment. 

I have also been mad at the "blogger" platform. Different reasons. All of a sudden my playlist didn't work. It won't start playing right when you open my blog. I thought I had it set up to do so, but I still can't get it to work right.

When I noticed myself scrolling to comments right away? That's when I knew I had lost my way. I needed to remember Who I was blogging for and why I started in the first place.

Only three reasons, but they are big ones. God, the Word, and You the readers.

I have been going through some changes myself, and no doubt this blog will change with me. Change is a good thing. But the one thing about this blog that will never change is the message. It is a little four letter word but it means the world.....and it's what the world needs right now:

Hope.

And I realized another thing. My little voice means something, and so does yours.

And after all, how many voices are too many for praise to the living God?

This year has been tough, and it still is. Going on two years of care taking and it takes its toll no doubt about it. But Elaine and I are still laughing despite the circumstances. And now I am going through some other things personally, physical changes which I have talked about here.

And even when the moods are incredibly dark? The amazing thing is that at unexpected moments I have this absurd joy. It just won't stop, because God has me. And He has you too, no matter what else is going on in your life. Because each and every one of us has circumstances we have to deal with. Those will never go away.

But neither will God.

That, my friends is my main message. And this morning, as if to highlight what I was feeling, this song came on and it said: Let my life song sing to you.

Let my life song sing to you. And you and you.

And like those stones along the road to Jerusalem that would not be silent?  I will never ever stop praising Him, because He is worthy.

Always is a good time to pray

The ballots have been counted up and I am rejoicing in the fact that I will not have to watch any more campaign commercials. I won't deny that I am disappointed......but not in God. Never in God. On the way to work I heard a great praise song on the radio and I was able to pump my arms in the air (while I was stopped at the red light), and thank God that despite everything that happens in this life......

He is still on the throne.

So now we get on to Kingdom work. I have no idea what the next four years will bring. All I know is that I hope that it will bring more people into God's kingdom.

And it is always a good time to pray, now more than ever. Even though the one I voted for won't be taking up a seat in the While House, I have to think back to the best and worst moments in my life and ask myself a question. With eternities values in view, how much does this really matter.

Right now today, if something happened to someone I love this little election and all my feelings about the next four years would cease to matter. We have very important things to do. And I was challenged by the Internet Monk today to pray for our President.

It might take some work, but I can do it. Because he needs God just like everyone else.

The Final Answer

 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

I smoothed the sheets on my bed this morning and said a prayer of thanks because I didn't feel like I did yesterday morning. Yesterday I wasn't ready to enter into the day and I did something I never do on a day off......I went back to bed. Yet, even as I crawled back under the covers, I was aware that it was a luxury.  Just the fact that I could do it. Most can't.

 

I pulled the covers up, curled into a ball and slept until 9. For me, that's late.

 

After that I went to Walmart, which is my new place between places. I call it my own personal Bermuda Triangle. I sat with my cart amongst the fake Christmas trees and patio sets and smiled at the irony. The depression snaked behind me, but just then I felt I had outsmarted it. I felt cushioned in an island of peace. Even the pink one didn't bother me, it stood there innocently wearing sparkling white lights. How could I get mad at it?

 

I sat there playing my Words with Friends like I had nothing else to do. And it was good.

 

I got back and put everything away. And Joyce was agitated and pacing. I had closed my bedroom door and I think that threw her off too. Alzheimer's patients are like Autistic kids in that they like routine and they like normal. They don't like change.

 

And she forgets that Elaine has a job now and wonders where she is. Imagine never remembering anything? Your mind would have to work 10 times harder than anyone else's.

 

Every time I sat down at the keyboard to clack out words.....she came in or out the door. I gave up trying to write. I felt hemmed in, so I went outside for awhile and watched the birds eat the bread I left. The cactus wrens were up to their usual antics and I couldn't help but smile watching them.

 

And later the phone rang and it was a dear blogger friend just calling to say......"I have been praying for you." Never underestimate how important that is. To me it was grace like spring rain.

 

He told me his frustration about how some of his young friends just don't seem to get it. That it's not all about them, but it's about us and how we are all in this world together. And about Haiti and a world of people in need. And suddenly my problems felt smaller again. And I was able to write about just that very thing. Thank you, Duane Scott. You are a treasure.

 

Elaine came home after having to call four parents for out of control kids on the bus. They were new kids added to her route. She was exhausted. It was obvious the other driver had been ignoring the bad behavior. And then she sat in a training class where one of the other drivers constantly interrupted the instructor with unbelievably foul language.  

 

Nobody was saying anything, so she finally did.

 

Then later my Mom called and told me of her friend's daughter in law. She is in Stanford right now, a mother of three. They were all camping and she came home with a fever. Now something is attacking her liver. She is in Stanford undergoing tests and they can't find anything wrong, all those very bright minds.

 

And it was morning and it was evening and God is pulling the shade down on another day.

 

And the team we were rooting for last night is going to the World Series.

 

Each day has its own set of wins and losses. Sometimes people get it but sometimes they don't. And it's okay........We do the best we can any given day. And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and prays for us with groans that words cannot express.

 

And in every conflict, as my friend so wisely said, the answer is always the same......Love.



Home, where God is.

I was listening to the Gaither's again this morning on the way to work. There is only one problem with that. When I like a song I speed up and that is not so good for driving. "We Shall Rise" was the only song I ever remember my old Pastor requesting we sing twice. I can still see his perfectly Brylcreamed hair as he turned to us in the choir as we stood once more to sing. We raised the roof that day. 

I was thinking about how certain kinds of music make you feel like home. Something in your soul finds rest in it. It stirs up memories, emotions. Nature makes me feel like home too, it's like remembering our first home. Knowing that's how it should be, hearing that wind sigh in the treetops.

Later at work as I settled myself in front of a computer, (on my break of course), I felt still another sense of home. I never realized just how much a part of my life this has become. This checking in with all of you, my online friends. It's a bit like coming to your back kitchen door, and you getting out my favorite mug and pouring me a fresh brew. Exchanging news good and not so good, sharing laughter and tears as we reach across the table.

Fellowship. Community. Unity. Love. That's the Kingdom of God.

I can already feel eternity lapping at my feet like waves. Some days it is easy to know that this world is just a precursor of Heaven. The joy of the Holy Spirit confirms it.

I think of what finally home means.

No more goodbyes, no more plane trips, no more endings, only beginnings...... forever. We will already be there. When I think about eternity it blows my mind. I can't seem to come to grips with something that good lasting forever. I can't help but think that something or someone will ruin it all.

But God's promises are true, that we can count on. That's the hope I bring you today.

I love you, friends. I really do.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

Carpet fiber prayers

It was a "Carpet fiber" prayer morning. "Please Lord, help me get up and do this." That's all. My mind was churning at 2:00 AM. I tried reciting the 23rd Psalm, that usually works when I can't sleep. Not this time. I felt overwhelmed. Life is complicated, people are complicated, and my shoulders were never meant to carry all this.

At break, all I wanted to do was go out to my car and be alone with Jesus.

When you are going through something, or your family is......the situation can become bigger than everything else. Even God.

In a recorded speech, Martin Luther Kings talks about a time when he considered giving up. He had just gotten another phone call, a death threat, threatening he and his whole family. Not long before he had been arrested and thrown in jail for driving 30 mph in a 25 mph zone. He was sitting at his kitchen table, a cold cup of coffee before him. He was trying to figure a way out. How he could turn it all over to someone else and go back to the quiet life of a scholar like he had planned. Here is how he describes that moment:

"I discovered then that religion had to become real to me, and I had to know God for myself. And I bowed down over that cup of coffee. I will never forget it......I prayed a prayer, and I prayed out loud that night. I said, "Lord, I am down here trying to do what's right. I think I'm right. I think the cause that we represent is right. But Lord, I must confess that I'm weak now. I'm faltering. I'm losing my courage."

It was then that he heard an inner voice......."Martin Luther, stand up for righteousness. Stand up for justice. Stand up for truth. And lo I will be with you, even until the end of the world."

Three nights later a bomb exploded on the front porch of King's home, filling the house with smoke and broken glass but injuring no one. He took it calmly: "My religious experience a few nights before had given me the strength to face it." We have all reached that crossroads, we ask the question: "How can I get out of this?" We can't take another step. We want escape. But it is at that point where the Holy Spirit comes in and does what we can't do. He takes over.......Peter was at that point after he denied Jesus, but what happened just a few days after that? The day of Pentecost!

 

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  Philippians 4:12

This morning in prayer, all I heard were the cars zooming behind the house. I ached for quiet. The kind of quiet you find in the country, or sitting at the base of a massive redwood with only the wind sighing above. Everything in my brain is noisy lately.

It is cooling off some, and for that I am very grateful. Here in the desert, it's hard to remember what season you're in. I forget what month it is. It feels more like Spring than Fall. The garland I strung, along with the fall wreath of yellow and orange and brown remind me that it's near. That other places have crisp mornings with the promise of frost, crunching leaves underfoot.

I couldn't hear the birds over the cars either.

I longed for the company of a quail or mourning dove. But then I sensed God saying......"Do you come out here to seek me or hear the birds?" I thought, "Well, to sit in Your presence of course, but the birds are a nice touch." Maybe He allows distractions, and maybe He even sent the birds away for the morning.

And maybe I needed to be reminded that life, and prayer, are sometimes as dry as toast.

And it's perfectly okay.

Because wherever He is, there is beauty and truth, and everything we need.

He is all I need, more than enough like the song says. Somehow, by His grace through the years I have learned this secret. To open my eyes to the extrordinary in the ordinary and lift out the miracle that resides within. All around us are people who need a miracle, and we can give it to them.

Because He has called us "friends.

Love, Dad

-----Original Message-----

From: Lyleret8 Lyleret8@aol.com

To: Lheyd59 Lheyd59@aol.com

Sent: Sat, Sep 1, 2012 8:41 pm

Subject: book

Hi Lori, We worked on the fence today as I told you. The real hard part is done. Ron forgets I am 84. We did bending over all day, I can not do that....I came home and took a shower and relaxed in bed for awhile. I went out on the back deck in the cool breeze and took Merton;s book and you Prayer Closet book to read. I ended up reading your book for an hour and a half. You know I read good books but I was mesmerized by your writing, you write like Thoreau or Kathleen Norris. about nature and life. I can't tell you how absolutely blown away by your talent. I Love you, Dad.

This email was sent to me by my Dad. And surely he could not have been talking about me, but about someone else.......I teared up when I got it, because I realized again how incredibly blessed I am to be surrounded by people who have sent me things like that my entire life. Not because I am so great, but because they are.....I don't mind telling you, it made my night.

There is no price we can ever put on the value of good words. And because it was done for me, now I make a habit of doing it too. I never leave my Mom and Dad's without leaving something under their pillow to find after I leave. And I leave notes around the house where I know Elaine will find them too. She had many words thrown at her growing up, but many were not good. Most were negative.

Edifying words have the power to convince someone they can really do anything they set their mind to do. But negative words have the power to demoralize and destroy. Sometimes those words make someone set out to try even harder to succeed, but all too often they leave a wake of destruction.

Some people spend all their lives recovering from the sting those words leave behind.

God loves it when we give out good words.......He knows their incredible ability to heal, to mend, to uplift.

And that person who has been on your mind? It's time to write them a note or email . It may come just in time.

And then leave one for God too, even though He already knows what you are going to say.......

And if you have ever thought about setting your blog to print, I would encourage you to do so. It makes a wonderful gift for someone you love. Sure, they can get on the computer and read it, but there is something about being able to hold your words in their hands. Like having a bit of you with them.


Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

A Mama's Prayers

See, I will bring them from the land of the north
    and gather them from the ends of the earth.
Among them will be the blind and the lame,
    expectant mothers and women in labor;
a great throng will return.
They will come with weeping;
    they will pray as I bring them back.
I will lead them beside streams of water
    on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel’s father,
    and Ephraim is my firstborn son.

 

Jeremiah 31:8,9

 

Ever feel like you're in exile? I think we all do at some point in life. Maybe you are in a job you hate but you know you need to stay there until retirement. Maybe you are in school and you feel like that is exile. Maybe, God forbid, you are in jail or prison. Wherever or whatever that exile is, you are not where you want to be yet.

 

As I have been reading through Jeremiah, I have wanted to get to the "good part." Israel rebelled as a nation, adopted other religious practices that went against everything God and everything He stands for, even going as far as sacrificing their own children on altars to foreign gods. It is painful to read, knowing what's coming.

 

Knowing they will be exiled from their homeland, expelled, taken into captivity. Again.

 

And yet, when I read these words, I thought about Israel today. I think about all they have had to go through as a nation and how God was faithful to His word. None of the powerful nations that went against them are around anymore, and Israel is still standing as a nation, as a people.

 

Flash forward to my life right now. And my life up to this point. How like Israel I have been, ignoring God, thinking I knew best, thinking I didn't need church, breaking my Mom and Dad's heart when I decided to give up food. And yet......

 

God was so merciful. He never left me. He brought me out of exile, back home where I belong.

 

I am at a crossroads at work right now, and as I was praying this morning, I knew that I had to once again, give it up to the Lord. I am burned out. There is no spark left in this fire.

 

And yet in other parts of my life the fire is blazing.

 

And anytime someone invites me to write or says what I wrote helped them? I am saved a little bit more.

 

There was a time long ago. God brought it to me again as I was praying this morning, like a sweet balm to my soul. All at once I was back home in front of the fire with my Mom. Tears sprang to my eyes as I remembered how she would get up in the morning before I got ready for High School and start a fire. She and I would watch 700 Club together, just the two of us.

 

And she would take my hand in hers, voice trembling, and pray for me.

 

She knew High School was my exile. It was so hard for me in so many ways. My Dad would have prayed too, but he was in his own exile at that time. A job he hated. And yet God brought him out of that too. Because of his never taking sick leave, he was able to retire at 62. A free man.

 

And because of my Mama's prayers, I graduated and was removed from my exile too. Through it all God taught me the lesson of faithfulness, and never giving up because someone else is believing in you. And that God is with me wherever I go. And He caused some good things to happen in those four years too.

 

I wrote a poem for my favorite teacher back then, my music teacher Wylie Moffat. Even then words were longing to break free in me. He had it framed and it hung in his house up until he died. And my words were used on the cover of his memorial service bulletin.

 

Today, I am thankful for fireside prayers. They are still working.

 

Thank you Mom, for being so faithful.

 

When we forget where our help comes from

I look up to the mountains—

does my help come from there?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth!

He will not let you stumble;

the one who watches over you will not slumber.

Indeed, he who watches over Israel

never slumbers or sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!

The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night.

The Lord keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

Psalm 121

It's easy to forget where our help comes from sometimes. As I prayed yesterday, my face to the carpet, in whispers of desperation, "My shoulders are not big enough, Jesus, they are so small....." as tears threatened, "not nearly big enough to carry the sorrows and heartaches of loved ones back home, loved ones here, as well as my own, I can't do it."

And I realized my foolishness when His quiet reply came to my heart, "You were never meant to carry them, child, but I can, and not only that, I want to!"

I am so sorry Jesus......I kept you on the back shelf, again.

Why do we try to carry what we never meant to, I wonder? Sometimes we Christians think we are supposed to be strong enough, as people of faith. We tell ourselves things like we shouldn't be stressed because we have the Lord, after all.

I got up after my very short prayer and went outside. The morning was cool and beautiful......Elaine came out with me, already awake. She knew how hard my first day back would be, she knew the burdens I carried, because people already carrying big burdens recognize when others are buckling under the load.

We sat at the patio table as God colored the sky an impossible shade of violet and pink. She told me of a radio program she liked listening to from 5-6:00 in the morning, about stocks and bonds and finance. I loved that she wanted to share it. It was like a gift exchange sitting there, she and I in the quiet morning.

It was so peaceful, that little conversation, Heaven touching earth, because He was there too.

As she talked, light filled the sky and I kept on sitting. As I rose from my chair I said, "I better make a call."

I didn't go in, I couldn't go in, not yesterday.

And it was okay. Because sometimes the truth is that though you may not feel physically sick, you feel sick at heart, sick from stress. But sick is sick, and it's okay to be weak sometimes.

As long as we remember who it is that is strong.

I want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my Dad, who is 84 years young today!

Today's picture is for you, Dad. Almost 40 years ago we climbed this mountain together, what a time we had!

The Dangers of Assumption

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10

Do me a favor today? If you live with someone, walk across the room and  grab their hands and look in their eyes and ask them if everything is okay. Even if you think everything is alright.

They may smile, shake their head and pull away, or think you're being silly. They might giggle or laugh self-conciously. But then again they might surprise you and words might come tumbling out. Words they have been waiting to share.

Chances are, if you are living with someone, you have settled into a routine of what you call normal. Maybe one person is more silent, and the other one's the talker. And usually it works. Life hums along. But when stress and life and circumstance come beating against the door, the seismic pattern shifts. All of a sudden what worked yesterday, is broken today.

Maybe it happened so gradually that you didn't even notice. But now the silence is deafening and you, being the quiet one, pull in even further. You think maybe leaving them alone in their silence will fix it.....make the problem go away. But it never will.

If someone you love is quiet and they usually aren't, something may be drastically wrong, and more silence won't fix it.

They will wonder why you are leaving them alone.........They will wonder why you are leaving them to battle it out all my themselves.......They will wonder if you care at all.

Learn from me........I have made this mistake in the past, and I am sure I will again, of assuming that everything is okay, and then being shocked into awareness that things are very much not okay.

Leave a note in your wallet if you have to. Take it out and read it again and again.

Then do what it says.

Talk.

How we can still have hope

"Friends, Jesus come down to a place where every last man, woman, and child is living on death row. You'd think the least thing we could do was draw close and comfort each other, but no. Except for a few loved ones, we close the doors of our hearts and bolt them tight on each other." Frederick Buechner, Listening to Your Life devotional

As born again believers, we have our feet firmly planted in two worlds. This idea of the Kingdom coming to earth was a theme that Jesus spoke about again and again. Everybody always tried to figure out what in the world He was talking about. He said, it is here, it is now. And they scratched their heads, and so do we. Because as we look around we see a world in a state of disrepair.......a world wounded and cursed.

They were probably thinking, "What world is He living in?"

And yet, there is still so much beauty shining through it. We can see glimpses of how God meant it to be in the very beginning when it was unmarred, perfect.....and so were we.

And all around us, people are on their way to one of two places. There are no other choices. This earth is as close to in between as it gets.

The miracle is that, even as we asks ourselves how we can still have hope, even when friends and family scurry like cockroaches when the light is flipped on. We know the answer.

When we look around and everyone we put our hope in has gone and we are as alone as the woman caught in adultery. We wait for the stones to strike our flesh and to our relief, we hear the thud as they strike the ground instead. And then the miraculous part.....Jesus is there. And with a smile in His voice He says, "Where are your accusers?"

We feel her freedom as she walks away, forgiven and on her way to a new life. That same freedom is ours. And that's why we can still hope. He is here, He is now, and we aren't in Heaven yet, but we can see the shore.

And even in the halls of the rest home, where the antiseptic rises up to meet us, and we smell the chaser smells after, the ones the soap and cleanser tries to hide. We feel it here too. The hope in the midst of fear......the Heaven in the midst of hell. In that place, in all places, people are on their way to Heaven.

We hear and sing the songs in church, and we remember the times when they were just nice songs. And then we remember when the inner light was flipped on. When the Holy Spirit collided with ours. Now we sing and the words spring to life.

Thankful today, so thankful for the One who never leaves, and the one who keeps count of our deeds Himself........#922-932

water that refreshes like nothing else does, garden reaching up to sky, quiet talks that unburden souls, new friends, living water that never runs dry, good medical news for my Mom, courage to put one step in front of the other...again, birds in the fountain, safe trip home for Elaine's brother, sauce made from home grown tomatoes bubbling on the stove.

 

Everyday Miracles

By your words I can see where I'm going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything's falling apart on me, God, put me together again with your Word.......Psalm 119:105-107 The Message

I went out to pray at first light.......my coffee and communion, I call it. My favorite part of the day. But I felt somewhat flat, like someone blew out my insides with a straw. But I was okay with that. I have learned not to trust how I feel so much, but to trust God instead. So I waited in the quiet.

Sometimes, in order to get the miracle, you have to go through the obedience part first. It's kind of like exercise really. I know the more I think about it, the less likely I will do it. But I have an expectation that when I go out, put on the shoes, turn up my Ipod, start walking, I will feel better.

So, still feeling a bit hollow, I did just that. I cranked up the music and felt the air push through my lungs. My feet picked up the pace, hearing the words Casting Crowns were singing....."Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west, cause I can't bear to see the man I've been, keep rising up in me again......in the arms of your mercy I find rest.

And I thought of miracles, and how God has been with me through it all, been with my family, my friends. I can talk of miracles, all right.....and big ones. Like when my Dad was in a prayer meeting and the Holy Spirit wouldn't let him rest until he went home, and that's when the phone rang and he got the terrible awful news......

And another time, when my Mom and Dad were in prayer for my sister-in-law who was dying of cancer, praying on their knees in the bedroom, when a snow white dove came to rest on the window sill and it never left, the whole time they were praying. They never saw it again. And she has been with Jesus 14 years now.

And as I pick up my pace even more. I feel it. The miracle.......life pumping into my heart, my soul. The Spirit leaping joy within me as I hear Chris Tomlin sing about how water was turned into wine and He opened the eyes of the blind. And right then, He was opening my eyes too. Faster, and faster I walked, and now ran a bit too.

Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other......There's no one like You......None like You.

The daily miracle is this, that every day He opens our blind eyes.

The Spirit was bursting joy inside me now.

And then Francesca Battistelli sang......Savior I come, quiet my soul.....remember. Your blood was spilled for my ransom, everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss....Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out. This is it. The everyday miracle that is ours as believers.

I looked up to see a dove with a branch in her mouth and I thought of Noah, waiting for land. This is our inheritance, our history. This right to expect from God is ours every day and that is a miracle in itself!

By the time my walk was over, I didn't want it to end, so I walked a bit further and thought again of my former Pastor and what he used to say. It's Jesus plus nothing.

Jesus plus nothing. That is the pure and simple truth. He is everything and in all and through all. I listened as the next song came on. Don't know how it is you looked at me, and saw the person that I could be.....awakening my heart, breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace......

Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful beautiful, mercy reaching to save me.....And as I finished my walk, run.....I was filled to the brim in the knowledge that Jesus is indeed, everything.

He is my Lord, my God, my husband, me being part of the church, my savior, my friend, my all in all. Everything starts and ends with Him.

And it's all an everyday miracle. Please join me and some special friends, Ann and Duane on their sites to celebrate our faith and count His blessings on a Monday.

Walking and praying with God in the morning, a new job opportunity for Elaine's nephew and family, being revived in the Spirit, a new garden springing to life, fresh tomatoes on the counter, communion with the Saints yesterday, the joy of seeing life spring from Your word, staying sane, (just barely) dealing someone on a daily basis with a mental illness, projects that keep hands busy and mind neutral, a few days off after a tough week, and last but not least.

I am thankful today for those who continue to risk their lives for our Freedoms which we hold so dear. Keep them safe in Your hands, Lord. #911-921



Songs I listened to today:

Francesca Battistelli: Lead me to the cross, Beautiful Beautiful
Casting Crowns: East to West
Chris Tomlin: Our God
Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

Casting our care......

..........casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

You're hurt and still reeling from the pain of it......all you want to do is go away. Like an animal that is scared or sick, you want to find a dark quiet place and go there. The pain of it is so great you don't even want to talk about it. You didn't expect it, and especially from them. You reached out your hand for help and drew back a bloody stump.

I don't know much but I do know that when your heart is aching that much, there is only One who can heal it. When you don't want to talk to anyone else because it just hurts too much to repeat it, you can tell it to Him. He understands. One of the saddest verses in the Bible is also the most comforting to me. It is part of Isaiah's prophecy concerning Jesus:

......He was despised and rejected--a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Isaiah 53:3

He felt that bitter ache......He identifies fully with us in that way. His own best friends deserted Him when He needed them the most. We all did. When the ones you love the most turn their backs on you, and that you don't even know what to do with the hurt, give it to Jesus. You can trust Him with it. He is waiting with open arms.

Let Him place His healing hands over your heart today. Even our best friends can't do that, as much as they might want to.

But He can, and He will.

He loves you dear one.

One Little Word

"I was a stranger and you welcomed me......."

"That you may welcome her in the Lord in a way worthy of the saints......."

"The native people showed us unusual kindness, for they kindled a fire and welcomed us all........"

"Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house......."

It was only a simple little sign that said, "Welcome." My Aunt had tacked it up close to the place we'd park so we would be sure to see it when we came in. To really see that sign for what it was, you would have to understand the million painful steps of grief and stress it took to get there. The welcome behind that little sign said it all.......It meant finding a place of peace for a few short days. It meant, I am glad to have you here....you are wanted, appreciated. You are safe.

When you give someone a welcome, you have no way of knowing how great that impact will be. Or maybe you do. You never know what someone is facing, where they are on their journey or how far that journey has taken them. To someone, your welcome might mean that they can keep going on, that it's worth it....that they are worth it. And just maybe, our welcome is their last hope.

Welcome in our eyes, welcome with open arms, welcome with words of softness.

Being welcomed is like coming in out of the cold and led to a crackling fire and a steaming mug of something to wrap your hands around.

Being made to feel unwelcome is like being cast out into a raging storm. It can be the loneliest feeling in the world.

There is a world of people out there who are scarred and hurting from past rejection. They have learned not to trust, yet they really want to. And everytime we are kind, we are participants in healing over those old scars. And really, don't we all need some healing?

I will never forget the sting I felt when I was at a family gathering long ago. The mother couldn't remember my name and referred to me as "What's her name...." then they proceeded to go off to a different place and put their chairs in a circle. It was one of the strangest things I have ever experienced. I never want to make anyone feel like I felt that day.

And yet I know at times that I have.......God still has a lot of work to do on me.

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:40

Getting Small

Sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, it's a good thing to shrink yourself down and get close to a tree......and remember when you were small and the world was a very magical place where you believed leprechauns hid behind trees and watched you, and fairies played with fireflies at dusk.

You have to get small again and open your ears to what God wants to say in the deep silence.

He is saying, "See here......I have created all this beauty that you walk by everyday, just so you will know that I am here,

I have not left you and I never will.

I have made my mark and written my name across everything I have created.......and I made the moon so that you could look upon my face and be reminded and be comforted."

At times like these, I know why Jesus called His Spirit the Comforter......Just when I feel left out in the cold, like everyone "gets it" but me.....He comes and warms like a fire from the inside out.

His touch cures the ails of this world like nothing else can.

Just for today

I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philippians 4:12-14

My prayer journal this morning:

Just for today, Lord, help me to embrace this day, knowing that each day holds hope with You. Help me not spend too much time in the past or future, for that robs the present. Too much time thinking about the path behind me leads to over-analyzing and regret that paralyzes my actions today. I want to see today in full color, Lord and not miss the moment.

And help me also, not to waste time worrying about the future. Try as I might, I can't see what's around the bend. And if I try to run ahead, I realize that is not part of Your plan. Every time you obscure what I am so desperately trying to figure out.

Help me to learn the lesson of the manna.......only enough for one day and one day only.

You have placed me right here in this present and it's no accident. You meant for me to be right here. In this decade, year, month......day.....moment.

These moments are manna.......while fluffy manna floating down out of Your hand, a precious gift.

I can eat my fill of everything you give me, right now today, and now that I will have enough tomorrow and the next, until I am where You are. Help me to honor you by staying in this present you have given me, and know that I can treasure the past and look forward to my future.

Knowing it is secure in You.

Grace Blows Through Our Days

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Not only that, He rose for us too......In light of those two facts, everything else in this life can be worked out. Some days are good mostly all the way through, but the average day holds a bit of everything mixed in. Just living in this world is a challenge. Yesterday was a hodgepodge but overall it was good. The usual worries cycled through my head on the way to work. I started to pray and stared off into the road ahead, my thoughts veer off as I hold study to the wheel.

The weather was beautiful and a bit cloudy, all the more beautiful since May and June are coming, and that's when the heat starts.  In my heart are the usual faces I send up into the throne of Grace.

I think of my brother, who works for The City of Stockton, a whole city on the brink of bankruptcy. He is caught like so many loyal employees, in the middle. Unsure of his job, unsure of his retirement, having to decide whether to let go and move on, or stay onbeard a sinking ship. A dear friend texted me yesterday, going through many hardships with a son, so much hurt, so much hardship, I could feel the pain in the middle of all the words flashing across my phone.....And my dear friend battling daily her own health issues as well as her Mom's Alzheimer's.....

And no matter how someone says, "It's not really them, it's the drugs.....it's the Alzheimer's.....it's the whatever" that's doing it, you still feel the betrayal, the indifference like a knife in your heart. You still feel the fatigue of moving through quicksand each day.

And yet.....there are moments of joy, moments of grace wound throughout our days. We know we are more than conquerors, after all, it's in the very lifeblood and DNA of our faith and it will not let us go. God gives us a supernatural hope that makes it possible to go on.....even be an encouragement to others.

There was an NPR article about the City of Stockton on the net yesterday and I felt a pang in my heart....so many good people who worked so hard to make a downtown, a marina, a beautiful park where people would want to come with their children, enjoy the weather, live life, and now it is all in jeopardy due to gross mis-management and politics and who knows what all else.

And when my brother got home to tuck into the meatloaf my Mom had made, she said he had a quizzical expression as he said, "Did you do something different to this?" Right away she knew what it was and burst out laughing. She remembered being sidetracked when she saw the syrup bottle on the counter right by the meatloaf. It was left out. And you know that when you have a special needs child around, you have to be on your toes. Lauryn had decided that the meatloaf needed a sauce.....a syrup sauce. In her mind it made perfect sense. Oh how I wish I could have been there watching her when she did it.

In the process, she gave her Daddy and Grandma, and me, when she told me about it last night, a good laugh.

And right then, we felt God's good grace in what a little girl did.

A Song in the Night

It was one of those tossing and turning nights. I seem to have a lot of those lately. A bleary glance at the clock told me it was 2:30 AM. And faintly I heard something that sounded like a bird singing.....Singing, at that hour! At first I thought it was one of those alarm clocks that sound like birdsong. My Dad had one that went through the whole repertoire of a mockingbird. Incredulously I staggered outside into the cool night.

The stars were bright overhead and it was so quiet, except for the unmistakably loud sound of a real live mockingbird singing its heart out in my neighbor's lemon tree. It was so early the morning commute hadn't even started yet. Don't birds only sing at sunrise? This one's internal clock was surely off, I thought.

Every morning since, I have heard it. The earliest recorded time was 1:30 AM.

At first I was a bit ticked off. I get up at 4 on my work days and every hour of sleep is precious.

But today, God spoke to me as He often does in that still small way He has. He said:

This little bird is singing at my own direction, and who are you to tell it that its not the right time? When is it wrong to sing of My glory, to sing just for the sheer joy of singing. Don't I welcome any prayer, any song, day or night? Am I ever too busy to rejoice when one of my creatures is singing, do I ever turn away from your song?

And I don't know if there is such an expression of a heart that pangs, but my heart did pang as I rolled down the window this morning in the dark just to hear my little friend sing.

A tear threatened, when I thought of all the times I have squashed another's enthusiasm.....a song they longed to share, because I was too busy wallowing in my own problems to open up my heart, my ears, and truly rejoice with them.

And I thought....how I stifle my own song, how I rob someone of the joy of hearing it. Me, for thinking it's not worthy of singing. Then, and this one last thought is painful......of voices long stilled, and how I would give anything to hear them again, no matter the day or the hour.

Thank you little bird, and thank you God. For using one of your creatures to instruct me once again.....

We all need healing

"Our own experience with loneliness, depression, and fear can become a gift for others, especially when we have received good care. As long as our wounds are open and bleeding, we scare others away. But after someone has carefully tended to our wounds, they no longer frighten us or others.

When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing. Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters."

Henri Nouwen, the Wounded Healer

We all need healing from something, that is the truth. This life makes its marks. And we are all at different mile markers in our healing journey. Here's the miracle part. That at just the point when we think we can no longer hold on, someone a little further down the path, or one who is presently not in need of healing speaks hope.

Someone listens........Someone says they understand, and you know they really do.

One of the ladies in my Mom's Bible study, when they finished going around the table with all their prayer concerns, (and they were many) said, "the word for the day is Nevertheless."

I like that.......Nevertheless......we have Jesus. Nevertheless.......we are more than conquerors......Nevertheless.......we exult in hope and joy unspeakable and full of glory......Nevertheless......He gives us peace that passes understanding.

The One who heals us, knows how it feels to be in need of healing Himself.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

When our landscape shifts

He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19


So hard to leave this place of peace.....As we left the cafe after breakfast this morning I said, "What if we just didn't go back......got jobs here, lived in an RV." Suddenly it sounded like the best idea in the world. But then, as soon as the dream took flight, reality set in as it always does.

Responsibility, Oh that. We are, each of us going back to shifting landscapes. Elaine's Mom has been very combative and she has to address the monumental situation back home. A hard decision will have to be made, and she knows it will be extremely painful.

And while I was away, drinking in the ocean, and cherished time with family and friends, I learned via Facebook that when I go back to work this Thursday, it will be in a brand new place. I was expecting it, just not quite yet. I fully expected to go back to my safe, old comfortable workplace home. So as I said goodbye to a places and people I love this week, I also had to mentally say goodbye to the familiar, the comfortable, the routine. But thankfully, I have a job.

Right now my brother has to decide on a forced early retirement. Whether to stay and risk losing more, or leave and keep what he has now. How can someone who already has so much be given the power to take away what others have worked so hard for?

While we are enjoying the last night on the road before returning home, we are stealing ourselves for what comes next. While our hearts are still on all those we just left, and on their own individual joys and hardships, we also hold the fresh bouquet of memories to cherish.

And the joy we shared this week was real. The conversations were meaningful and the laughter was deeply felt. And as always, there is much to be thankful for.

We leave our prayers behind.

And more go ahead.

God was with us and will be with us through it all......