I may as well be a leper

I see the look on their faces when I answer their question, “Where did you go to school?” Meaning college of course. Inwardly, I look down in shame, scuff my feet and blush crimson. “I don’t have a degree.” There is usually an awkward pause, “Oh……” I can imagine what they are thinking. They wonder how I managed to finagle a job here at Intel. One of the places where education is held in very high esteem, in fact, you can’t get hired here now without a degree. But back when I was hired, you could. And I did.



And now it’s seventeen years later…..and I sometimes think, I wonder when they will catch on and fire me.


And I always have to qualify it with something, like…”But I have had SOME college.” And I have, and I really liked it. My first course I got an A. I was so proud of that, I can still remember the feeling I had when I went to the board and saw it posted there. By MY name. A few years ago I took English 102 and I was sure the teacher’s main objective was to make my experience as miserable as possible. And I like English.


It was a battle, but I passed with a B and I think it killed her to give it to me.


I get the same feeling when people ask me if I have kids or….. Ahem….. grand kids, now that I am older. I feel somewhat branded by a sense of shame, like they will automatically think I don’t like kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have a niece who I would jump in front of a truck for anytime, anywhere.


Note: If you feel shame today that is either self imposed or pushed on you by someone else, either intentionally or otherwise, know that it’s from Satan. Jesus died and rose again to release us from that.


And really, people just want to understand. It’s easier to put people in a box and classify them. It’s too confusing for them otherwise. It complicates things. People don’t want to spend too much time figuring people out. And I really don’t blame them, I’m the same way. I like things simple.


So here’s the deal:


I don’t have a wonderful husband with three beautiful children, although if you do I think it’s wonderful. I believe healthy marriages and families make a strong and happy society. I believe in family values more than anyone I know.


I don’t have a degree of higher learning, although I think education is wonderful. If you are going for it, I am a little bit jealous and I wish I would have done it.


I do, however, have a wonderful home and a God who loves me and accepts me just as I am. I have lots of love in my life, including that of my family and a best friend and soul sister who I know would give her life for me without a thought. We do live in the same house, but we are not gay for those who may have wondered. Seinfeld moment here, let the reader understand if they have seen the episode.


I am a living testimony of a Mom who always said she didn’t care how far I went in school as long as I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and for that I will be forever grateful.


My life is a living testimony of God’s provision and care because when my brand new husband died, God came near and never left my side by surrounding me with people who refused to let me go.


As I get older I get a bit wiser. I have learned to care more about what God thinks of me than strangers. I rest in the people who know me and love me, and when it comes right down to it, people are really too concerned about their own lives to pay too much attention to what’s going on in mine or yours.


Bein real today.

Alzheimer's Diary.....A continuing lesson in love

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Colossians 3:14

I have probably tacked this verse onto the beginning of posts more often this year than any other. Have you put on your love today? This past year, I have had to start over time after time, day after day. As most of you know who read my blog on a regular basis, we are working on year two of Elaine's Mom living with us.

It's been tough, to say the least. Hygiene is an ongoing issue more and more. We are working on week 4 with no shower, again. The last time, Elaine had to physically get in the shower with her because she refused to put water on her head. And she was washing with shampoo. Incontinence is also a problem. She refuses to wear the undergarments so bedding has to be changed often....laundry done several times a day.

Because she has been increasingly combative, her dose of Anti-psych drug was doubled just this past week. We noticed the rage has been just barely contained....it's always just under the surface. The pacing and the agitation seem to go hand in hand.

It is disheartening and sobering for Elaine to realize that right now if her Mom were not on the Seroquel she would be in a lock down unit as we speak. Her Mom still knows very well where she is, but when her Doctor tells her that if she won't let people take care of her she has to go somewhere where they can, he is met with indifference, a shrug of her shoulders.

It has been a constant challenge for both of us to do that "putting on love" thing Paul is talking about. And I am on another trip to California to see my family on Sunday. It's hard to be the one always left behind. For two years, she has had to watch others travel, go on weekend trips, vacations. That is what caretakers face every day.......for them life has stopped. They feel just as chained as if they were in stocks.

And how can life still feel like it's at a standstill, when the workload never stops?

Please pray? For wisdom, and strength to bear up. To keep laughing somehow. To know when to say "when."

Pray for strength and grace for me as well. That I can be the right kind of support. Too often I feel like the check marks on my own personal report card are screaming out a big red "fail." But God knows my heart, thankfully.

I take comfort in the fact that He hears my prayers of forgiveness uttered after every exasperated blown out sigh......He knows we are all dust after all, nevertheless a kernel of God keeps us all preserved for eternity.

Praise God.

And more and more and more, we are craving the peace, the harmony that used to fill the house. We still have it for the most part, we just have to fight for it where before it was effortless.

Here is the magic formula that works for any and every situation:

Love + Peace = Harmony

I will need until every last breath to put it into practice.

Letting our light shine

No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:15

I need to give a shout out today to my best friend....yes, I am "using you" again, Elaine.

She has been on the job for only a few weeks, but she is shining her light in the workplace already. This is why I love her. She doesn't wait for an opportunity, she just naturally shines. She already found out who the "Jesus Saves" truck belongs to in the parking lot at the school. Then she found out who "Jesus Saves" vehicle number 2 belongs to, (his wife). And she was so glad, because she really likes him.

The kids talk to her, like little doors they swing right open for her. They pour out everything, and sometimes too much. And so do her co-workers. She has already found out their stories. She finds out because she talks to them, much like Jesus did, I imagine. And she doesn't ask just to be asking, she asks because she cares, and that shows.

The other day one co-worker hit another's car in the parking lot and just left. Elaine knew how upset she was, so she stayed after work and buffed it out for her. When the co-worker came out to her car expecting to see the ugly scrape, she was astonished to find that she couldn't even see where it had been hit. That's my friend. That's how she rolls. She just says, "I just do what I would like someone to do for me."

That's what Jesus was talking about when he said we were supposed to shine our light so that everyone in the world could see....

And I have watched her do this at every job she has ever had. Every company she has worked for. She gets to know the person who empties the garbage by name and never fails to greet them. Because she knows that person emptying the garbage is worth just as much to God as the big boss.

The other day when her training was complete, she went to Bosa donuts and bought 3 dozen for everyone she works with. They were astonished. "For us?" They said. Not only that, she didn't buy cheap donuts, she went to buy the best because she wanted them to know she valued them and how they helped her along at a new job.

Just like Jesus made the "best wine" at that wedding.

She doesn't brag about herself, so I will. ........Lucky for her, she has a friend who blogs.

A bus filled with blessing

They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do. Psalm 1:3

She had almost forgotten about the application she had filled out for the bus driving position......almost but not quite. She was sitting by the computer when the phone lit up with an incoming call. The phone is turned all the way down so her Mom won't run and answer it. In the past she had agreed to things over the phone "Oh, yes, you can come and service the air conditioner...." It has happened before.

It was the Apache Junction school district calling. She couldn't believe her ears when he said, "How soon can you come in and see us?" For years, every now and then we would pass a bus and I would hear her say, "I would love to do that."

For the past year and a half, her Mom has been her full time job, and it has been hard, especially for someone who has worked all their life.

So she went, and of course they loved her. Especially when they found out about her driving experience. They wanted her so badly they even pulled strings to get her in the August session of training.

And the schedule is such that she can come home between routes to check on her Mom........and, it's only just around the corner!

"This," she said, "Is the first job that I have felt in a long time that is from God."

I have waited for this, I have prayed for this.....for my dear friend who lives her whole life for others.

Whose hands are still partially numb from her last project for someone else.

Last night we sat at a restaurant as pictures came through my phone......there were two completed Mr. Potato heads, one my brother did and one my niece did. I smiled as I read the texts. "Sometimes, you just have to take time out to play Mr. Potato head with your girl," he says.

As I scroll through, the phone rings in my hand and it's my Mom.

"I was just having a glass of wine and thinking of you," she said. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing," she said, and she laughed. "Well," I said, "I happen to think it's a good thing, since I am having one too." And we laughed together and she told me about her day. And I told her about Elaine's new job.....

She whooped and hollered over the phone........."Oh, that is so great! She is just right for that job."

Later I get a text from my brother. My Mom must have told him....."CONGRATULATIONS to Elaine, Wooooooohooooooo. Bus driver for kids? Perfect. I am so happy."

This, I think, is what it's all about.

Rejoicing with those who rejoice. And I think of what a cornucopia is life. Some days so full of hardship you just want to sit in a corner and never come out, and then, blessings so rich that all you can do is lift your hands skyward.

Praise God from who all blessings flow.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I was driving down the freeway when it hit. I felt that familiar feeling........the shallow breathing, the knot of tears forming in my throat. They come sometimes without warning. It started as an ordinary task in an ordinary day. I was following Elaine because she was taking her car in.

I held it at bay, at arms length, because I have to get stuff done. I think it's just life piling up sometimes, and it has to come out somewhere, sometime. I am no stranger to this feeling. It has always been with me.

One of the very first times I can remember was when I caved during a Christmas play at church.

I had one line, I don't even remember what it was. Because all of a sudden all I wanted to do was get off that stage......I strained my eyes through the bright lights and all I wanted was to find my parents. And then I did.

The road blurred through tears. I breathed little puffs of air. I turned off the freeway and onto the street. Off to my right was man on the sidewalk wearing flip-flops, a Hawaiian shirt and shorts....and a guitar strapped around his shoulder. He was carrying on a very animated conversation, with himself.

Laughter bubbled up through the tears a little hysterically, I thought........"I hope that's not gonna be me someday soon."


Then I thought of my childhood friend Mary. Mary of the big blue eyes and wonderful reading voice.


It was always either her or me the teachers chose for reading out loud. I still remember her singing a solo in a school fashion show, she sang "After the Ball" in a blue dress. I don't know what happened with Mary but many years later my folks told me she would skate down the street in a full hockey uniform, helmet and all. She never played hockey a day in her life.


She died recently at my age, only 53. She had a daughter and I would love to see her.  I wonder if she had Mary's eyes, and liked to read. I hope she will be okay.


Don't we all dance a bit close to the border of crazy at times? I think you kind of have to, to live this life we all live.

As I caught sight of Elaine's jeep through the maze of cars, right in the midst of my panic I thought......."Thank you Lord." Because all my life I have never had to go through this feeling alone, and some people have.

And this wonderful friend has been with me through so much. And I will tell her about this, and she will say, "Well, maybe you are a little bit crazy, but I understand, and everything is gonna be fine."

Because after all, God has us. He really does. 

The Dangers of Assumption

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10

Do me a favor today? If you live with someone, walk across the room and  grab their hands and look in their eyes and ask them if everything is okay. Even if you think everything is alright.

They may smile, shake their head and pull away, or think you're being silly. They might giggle or laugh self-conciously. But then again they might surprise you and words might come tumbling out. Words they have been waiting to share.

Chances are, if you are living with someone, you have settled into a routine of what you call normal. Maybe one person is more silent, and the other one's the talker. And usually it works. Life hums along. But when stress and life and circumstance come beating against the door, the seismic pattern shifts. All of a sudden what worked yesterday, is broken today.

Maybe it happened so gradually that you didn't even notice. But now the silence is deafening and you, being the quiet one, pull in even further. You think maybe leaving them alone in their silence will fix it.....make the problem go away. But it never will.

If someone you love is quiet and they usually aren't, something may be drastically wrong, and more silence won't fix it.

They will wonder why you are leaving them alone.........They will wonder why you are leaving them to battle it out all my themselves.......They will wonder if you care at all.

Learn from me........I have made this mistake in the past, and I am sure I will again, of assuming that everything is okay, and then being shocked into awareness that things are very much not okay.

Leave a note in your wallet if you have to. Take it out and read it again and again.

Then do what it says.

Talk.

The cake tells the story

After years of vain familiarity, some distant gesture or unconscious behavior, which we remember, speaks to us with more emphasis than the wisest or kindest words. We are sometimes made aware of a kindness long passed, and realize that there have been times when our Friends’ thoughts of us were of so pure and lofty a character that they passed over us like the winds of heaven unnoticed; when they treated us not as what we were, but as what we aspired to be. Henry David Thoreau


I am so thankful today that I have such a friend, and today I celebrate her life, her Birthday. There are so many things I would like to give her, so much she deserves. If I could I would give her a trip to Paris and a dinner under the twinkling lights of the Eiffel tower. And a full moon smiling.......And then I would whisper a prayer to God to have the stars do a little dance. Cause sometimes, as she so often says, sometimes you just gotta give it a little dance.


Or I would buy her an East Coast cruise to tour every single lighthouse.


What I would most like to give her right now is freedom, which she doesn't have. Freedom to get in the car and go somewhere, anywhere, overnight. She is doing what she has to do right now, even though it is incredibly difficult. She is living what Ann Voskamp so aptly describes as the Hard Hallelujah. Where faith meets reality.


I know that every day she meets Jesus, because she can't do it without Him. Even with Him it's tough. This cake tells the story of her life as it is right now. Her Mom asked what the cake was for, and then for the umpteenth time, she asked her whose Birthday it was. Really, that was partially my fault. I put up the Birthday banner way too early. You learn not to do that with Alzheimer's.


Her Mom stayed in the kitchen and Elaine figured out why soon after when she came out with a piece of cake and said, "That is good cake." At least she said it was good.


Months ago I had put in for this day off, her Birthday, so we could hang out like we usually do on her special day. Then there was a scheduling conflict with someone else and they would have had to come home from out of state early. She said, go ahead and let him have the day. That is just how she is. That's why I love her so.

I don't like to imagine my life without her joy, her laughter, her unique brand of sunshine. She loves God and He loves her. She is God's kid through and through. You can tell by what she does.


It's in the way she loves people. It's in all the little things she does when nobody except God is watching. She is the one who sees the baby carrier in the beat up car and finds the weary parent and slips them a twenty. She's the one who pays for the Sonic order behind her. She's the one who hand delivers bowls of cut up watermelon for the neighbors.


And every time she makes ice-cream cones, she makes three more to take next door.


She's God's kid. She notices when people need help, need to talk, need a listener. And she gets busy and does something about it. Not a dispassionate noticer, not her.


She's my best friend in the world and I wish everyone could have the pleasure of knowing her. She is truly, the friend everyone would like to have.


I know she will be embarrassed by this, but after all, best friends are for shining the spotlight on each other. She has been shining the light on me now for 23 years, and I thank God for her everyday. Her life is a blessing.

Happy Birthday Elaine!

A Roomful of Royalty

“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:18-20

As my feet hurriedly slapped down the stairs after work last night I was thinking about where to go. I had destinations in mind. Birthday business. Tomorrow is the Birthday of my very best friend, and as all best friends, I wish I could give her the moon. I know how tough this past year has been for her. There are so many things I wish I could do for her, so many things I wish I could give her......And she would deserve every one.

I thought.......She deserves a roomful of Royalty. A party to end all parties, a true celebration of her. Then I remembered that there will be a very special guest indeed. He is already making plans to attend. How could I have forgotten?.......Oh, Lord. I never want to forget you, please forgive me. The Holy Spirit, ever a gentleman, stands back and waits until I remember that He is the highest court in the land. Who else do we need?

It's gonna be quite a party indeed.

Invite Him today, into whatever you are doing. He is there in the midst of it, my friend. He is the third person at your table for three, you business meeting, your commute, your life.......

Thank you Lord, for everyday with you is a celebration.

Casting our care......

..........casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

You're hurt and still reeling from the pain of it......all you want to do is go away. Like an animal that is scared or sick, you want to find a dark quiet place and go there. The pain of it is so great you don't even want to talk about it. You didn't expect it, and especially from them. You reached out your hand for help and drew back a bloody stump.

I don't know much but I do know that when your heart is aching that much, there is only One who can heal it. When you don't want to talk to anyone else because it just hurts too much to repeat it, you can tell it to Him. He understands. One of the saddest verses in the Bible is also the most comforting to me. It is part of Isaiah's prophecy concerning Jesus:

......He was despised and rejected--a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Isaiah 53:3

He felt that bitter ache......He identifies fully with us in that way. His own best friends deserted Him when He needed them the most. We all did. When the ones you love the most turn their backs on you, and that you don't even know what to do with the hurt, give it to Jesus. You can trust Him with it. He is waiting with open arms.

Let Him place His healing hands over your heart today. Even our best friends can't do that, as much as they might want to.

But He can, and He will.

He loves you dear one.

Impossible Joy

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:35-37

The past year is fast receding, along with all the events, challenges, joys and sorrows along with it. As I look back along the 365 days worth of everything that made up 2011, I am once again filled with thanksgiving of what He brought me through. I reflected on this one thought this morning on my 30 minute commute, as my car idled into the parking lot and came to a stop.

That in every seemingly impossible situation during the past year, impossible joy came along for the ride. In the moments of hysteria, sometimes laughter rose up beside it.

In helping my best friend deal with both parents, one with Dementia and one with Alzheimer's, I learned many things about myself, some things which were not pleasant. I learned how easy it is to love the lovable, and just how difficult it can be to love the unlovely, the unlovable. It stretches you like nothing else. Several times a day I fail miserably. But I am thankful for that too, for that is what keeps me praying.

I am amazed at what transpired, what we got done.

What He brought us through.

And I am amazed at how painful moments can recede in hindsight and the joys magnify.

Like stones worn smooth by a rushing river, He smooths us out. It is easy to forget that just like that mighty river that is flowing all around us, He is still and always, there.

Washing us clean, making us more like Himself.

The blessing of fellowship

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25

Yesterday Elaine and I went to see a dear friend who Pastors a church. He was a friend even before he was a Pastor, but we used to meet at work for prayer and Bible study. It was so good to catch up. By the time we heard all his problems ours felt much smaller.

We sat there for 3 hours.....until he got a call to pick up his daughter at school. The time had flown so fast we scarcely noticed it.

What a blessing it is to have dear friends to fellowship with. Like iron sharpening iron, we are strengthened by each other. He told us of what pain he has suffered over his next to youngest daughter. The one he never expected it from. He also said that lessons he has learned from going through that has helped him deal with issues in the church.

The hardest lessons to learn......Letting go.

He had to learn to let his daughter go, and sometimes to grow a church, you have to let some people go. A very perplexing lesson when you are in a small church and you are trying to grow it.

Sometimes God uses those we love the most to teach us the hard lessons of letting go. Sometimes it makes no sense. Sometimes we feel that the most Godly thing we could do is to grab on tighter. But God's ways are higher than ours, always.

And it makes sense when you think about it.

He used the One closest to Himself to change the world.

Multitude Mondays on the Road

I am posting my blessings on a Wednesday instead of Monday because I didn't want to miss an opportunity.......to thank Him again for outshining the stresses with blesses.

As I lay awake after my arrival, my mind swirling....one thousand thoughts converging......

colliding, worries tumbling over and over like a spin dryer.

Everything that comes with wanting to be everywhere at once when visiting family. The excitement of being there, and the sometimes extreme duress that came with traveling with someone extremely unpredictable, and with many special needs and challenges. It all swirled around.

My heart beating, my neck tense.....I prayed and let it all out to Him who listens best and can calm my heart when all else fails.

Still the blessings shine through the darkness. And many smiles were had and much laughter too. Now that I am home, I remember one after the other.

Being able to park the RV at my Aunt's place on the Mokelumne River, and it was a blessing to her too to have us there. A comfort to her since now she comes home in the dark, her husband spends his days and nights away in a rest home. She said over and over again how she enjoyed it....having us there.

Seeing my Mom's Bible study gals again.....their faith always shines through whatever they are dealing with, and there are many issues. But oh how we laughed and got a bit of study in too. Sometimes the fellowship is the most important part of the lesson.

Being able to spend time with Lauryn, my niece, my precious girl whose voice I still hear right now...saying my name which I waited so long for her to say. She has captured my heart with all the things she does......As I put scattered Lego's back in the bag, my heart tugged.....lurched for her and the fun we had. Leaving is so bittersweet.

Enjoying a walk downtown in the crisp fall weather......clicking with my camera and enjoying once again walking all the paths I used to walk.

And of course, being able to do some things for Mom and Dad who are so appreciative of every small thing I do. I only wish it could be more......enjoying great food cooked by my brother, who really missed his calling. He should have been a chef.

Throwing an impromptu party for the "girls" in the Motor home. Elaine cooked a wonderful dinner and we laughed until our stomachs ached. My Aunt came out later and said what a great time she had.....

And to top it off. A spontaneous side trip to the ocean. I promise, pictures will follow.............There was a special place she longed to go, my best friend.....but with her Mom along, there was not much peace or relaxation for her. Let's just say it was not a real vacation. Her dream of escaping there for a few days didn't work out, so she asked me......Want to take a side trip to the coast on the way back?

It would mean getting back with no time to spare for work. But suddenly the prospect of going there, standing on the pounding surf, was irresistible. And she beamed like the sun......We turned the "bus" to the West with our hearts singing.

And Oh, the seafood. The magic of the waves, walking for hours and hours on the beach, watching the sandpipers clown around the shore, and the otter who entertained us for a solid hour with his antics.

It was all so wonderful. There is truly nothing like praying by the ocean.

Getting to bed at midnight and getting up at four AM for work is something I have not done in a while. But the memories and bit of peace and relaxation we carried away is worth every bit of sleep lost.

Sleep can be caught up. Moments are for seizing,  and once passed we can't be sure they will come again.

#714-725

A God Gift

I get to go on a CRUISE!



We are going to this place........I had no idea where Belize was until a couple of days ago. I must admit when I first saw where it was on the map, my fatalistic overactive imagination conjured images of drug lords and kidnappings and assault rifles. Immediately I got on the travel website to get some facts. So far it sounds very intriguing, especially for someone like me who loves history. It has been featured many times on the Travel Channel and also House Hunters International. Two people I told at work immediately started gushing about it....yes, they actually gushed. I feel safer now.

So, how it all got started.........I saw an ad in the paper asking for writing submissions. Well, all I saw at first were the words: WRITE and CRUISE. Contest was sponsored by the good people at  Home Instead Senior Care. They wanted stories about caregivers sacrificing to care for loved ones at home and the winning submission would send the worthy caregiver on a cruise.....I could think of no one more worthy or in need of a cruise than my best friend who has been through so much the past several years with her folks. I tip-tapped my entry in the space....then I had to cut, and cut again.

I whittled it down to two words under the limit and hit "send."

I didn't hear anything for a few months so I figured it was already done, then lo and behold, I got an email day before yesterday. My essay was one of the winners of the caregiver cruise for two so Elaine (and I) will be headed for Belize in January. Wheeeee! I still can't quite believe it. It's a God thing. Sometimes He just gives one of those completely unexpected gifts, God gifts I call them.

And what is so wonderful is that my very generous and humble friend would hand this trip right over to someone else if she thought they were more deserving than she. No, no no, I will not let her.

Of course, when I read my submission again, the first thing I see is a big whopping error that I can't believe I let slip by. But when I think about it, isn't that just the way God works?  If I had sent off a perfectly polished copy my ego would have had every opportunity to get all puffed up, as the Apostle Paul put it so well.

I am so grateful for this opportunity to see more of God's good creation with someone so deserving of this. Someone who has missed so many vacations and left her dreams of another cruise somewhere far in the future, if at all. God had other ideas. I feel like He gift-wrapped it just for her.

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17

All Creatures Great and Small

“If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.” Saint Francis of Assisi

Today I honor our animal friends with a photo essay of "Briggs." I am so thankful for the joy and the laughter our pets bring to our lives, and for the comfort they so unreservedly give, expecting nothing in return. They leave their footprints across our hearts and change us for the better. I am thankful for all those who volunteer in shelters, giving their love and time and extending their compassion to all God's creatures who have been left behind and abandoned.

"Oh, no she has that black thing out again that clicks and flashes the bright light.........must you do that nooowwww?"

"Okay, if you insist on doing that, I will just do my best to ignore you and take a bath......"

"Doing my best to look thoughtful and pensive......how am I doing?"

"This is all so very tiring.....I think I will just lay here and guard my mouse."

"A cat's work is never done......"

Thankful today for all the ones I have held and known, run and played with throughout my life. Thankful for a loving God who saw fit to create them for us as wonderful companions in the journey of life.

Briggs is the king of the house and loves everyone.....Sydney adopted me as his own and follows me everywhere, flopping upside down in my lap every night.....

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.

Cecil Frances Alexander

Set your mind......

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-3

A pilot friend of mine once said that there was nothing in the world more relaxing than flying. Something about being above it all makes your problems seem smaller. Every now and then I have flying dreams, and it's wonderful. I soar around skyscrapers and sometimes I just hover and float. Don't you wish we could just order up our dreams?

There is a way however, that we can lift ourselves above it all, where Christ is. That is by setting our minds on things above. Scripture is the best and most immediate way to do this. Since the Bible is a living book, it has the power to transform our very thought process! This is not Harry Potter magic, where you wave a wand and presto, all your problems go away (darn) This is actually way better, because though circumstances can change in the blink of an eye, God never does!

When we read the Bible with an open heart, we are tapping into the very source of Life itself.

The Word was there from the very beginning........."In the beginning was the Word......." Not only that, the Bible says the Word and God are one and the same! It is timeless, ageless, and all sufficient. It is wisdom, it is power, it is the bread of life, it is the manna that came down from Heaven! It is the best way I know to keep my thoughts going in the right direction.

If you are living with someone who constantly sees the negative in every situation, it is hard not to find yourself going right down that road with them. To stop being who you are, and become them. But you don't have to. You can be determined to set your mind above, where God is.

Find some life.....

Go outside, take a walk.

Go to the Mall and watch people.

Get around someone who can show you yourself again.

Do like my best friend who has been known to break into song and dance everytime Beyonce's "Single Ladies" comes on. And if she can still sing and dance after everything she has been through this year, anyone can....like she is fond of saying:

Sometimes you just gotta give it a little dance.

Happy Birthday Elaine, best of friends.......you continually inspire me to see the good in everything.......

Thankful for Positive People

"Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!" Max Lucado

I am very thankful today for all the people in my life who have been positive. From my earliest memories I can recall hearing my Mom sing in the mornings, up early before anyone else, starting the day in a good mood. We never had to worry about approaching her......I realize now, what an incredible gift that is. My best friend says they never dared approach their Mom unless she had her two cups of coffee in the morning.

Both her parents continually saw the worst in everything and everybody. Unfortunately, they still do. She never felt like she could share anything with them. Whatever she did was met with either cynicism or criticism! The amazing thing is, she remembers always waking up in a good mood. Even her Mom says, "You were always a happy kid."

No matter what is going on in her life, she always has a smile and a word of encouragement for others. And these days, there is much in her life that would keep her in bed all day. I am in awe of that.

All my life I have been surrounded with people whe have made the choice to face each day with hope, gratitude and expectation. They know that every day is a good day simply because they get another chance! I am realizing this is not the case for many many people.....How rich I am, how blessed! In turn, the best way I can repay God is to give that gift to others.....I pray that I will, with God's grace.

The best thing I can do to honor God today is to wake up positive. No matter the circumstances!

So today I salute all of you positive people out there.....You know who you are!

Tomorrow I hope to have some photos to share. Since my computer crashed, I haven't been able to get them to transfer from my computer to blogger very effectively.

Until then, I am continuing the Gratitude Count in my heart's tally today along with Ann and many others. May the Lord bless you and make His face to shine on you today....Lori

A Different Kind of Lent

"Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4:10

A couple weeks ago I was praying and speculating about whether to give up something for Lent. Being raised in a Baptist church, we didn't do Lent, but I have always liked the tradition. Coffee, books, sugar....those are the things that came to mind right away. I was keeping my heart open......Soon after that, events transpired that made it necessary for my best friend's mother to move in with us. Suddenly we had to figure out how to make a two bedroom house big enough for three.

My self-sacrificing friend is now sleeping in the Arizona room, which the cats had previously taken over. She gave up her room to her Mom. At first the cats gave the bed a wide berth, a bit apprehensive when they saw it being wheeled out to "their" room, but they are now thrilled at having another place to sleep.

She has a tough job. Her folks are not easy to care for. They are not positive people and never have been. They have taken much and given little. There is one consolation when all is said and done, she will know that there is not one thing more she could have done for them.

There are times, however, when this is not much consolation, especially when your own sanity is in question.
In spite of everything, she remains positive, gracious and a joy to be around. I don't know how she does it, but then again I do.....loads of Grace, and Prayer. Did I mention her Mom has Alzheimer's?

In the midst of insanity, and chaos, and stress, there was some humor yesterday.

The remote control was ringing

Lipstick seemed like a good idea on cheeks

She lost her pants, which were in plain sight on the dresser

She programmed the microwave for 1 hour and 55 minutes to heat coffee

And this was all within the first hour of the day. When she saw her Mom furiously scrubbing her face at the bathroom mirror she figured out what she did. And then they both had to laugh.....Grace. Life and death side by side. Things like Alzheimer's have a way of making death more visible and just when you think it is gone forever the old life comes back......that's what makes it tough.

And every time we give up something and make room for His grace we wear a bit of the sacrifice of Jesus.

"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6

Peace Be Still.....

"He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, "What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?" Matthew 8:26,27

The people of Japan are experiencing the horrific effects of a massive earthquake. The footage is heart-breaking. To see homes, buildings, streets washed away is devastating. It was unexpected and there is never any preparation for something like that....It happened around 2 PM right in the middle of a work day. The fear is resulting Tsunamis up and down the coast.....

The truth is, there are all kinds of Tsunamis in life. My best friend feels like she is standing in the midst of one right now. She is under so much stress she actually forgets to breathe. She has the burden of taking care of both elderly parents, neither one of whom can get around, one suffering from Dementia and one from Alzheimer's. Most of the time, they don't talk, they bark orders.

She feels like her world has stopped, and it pretty much has. Life is going on normally without a hitch for others, but hers has stalled out. There is no time for herself. And it is affecting her health.....Life can feel very much like you are standing in the middle of an earthquake that is still going on. Nothing feels stable, nothing can be planned, because the job is never over.........Whether it is a natural disaster, or a family problem, the symptoms are the same. Stress is stress, and the body doesn't know the difference. It screams, fight or flight.

She longs to hear the words of Jesus, "Peace Be Still." Oh, how she wishes she could be still, just for a moment. How she longs to be in that boat with Him.

Hear the wind cease.....feel the torrential wind die down......hear the sound of the waves lapping gently against the boat.....

But she can. As believers we have the assurance that He is keeping us. That He is here with us, this He has promised us. His peace is for us. And we have help....."But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid." John 14: 26,27

Know right now........He is keeping you. You may not feel Him there, but you know He is. You have not blown up, hit anyone, exploded, and you are still laughing at times. He is keeping you.....and He will continue to keep you. Sometimes it just boils down to that. And one minute, one hour at a time.

When I was writing this post I remembered this song that was popular back in the seventies....

"Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water

Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea

Take a look at yourself and you can look at others differently

By puttin your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee...."

(As recorded by Ocean) GENE MACLELLAN 1970

I am so glad I know that Man, and so glad my friend does too.......Please pray for those in Japan today and all others affected by stress of all kinds. If you can, help them carry their burden today.....

Journeys......

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11,12

I heard trains last night.....I am presently in Barstow, California, the stopping point for this particular journey.....along with my very best friend at the wheel of what I call "the Bus" a 32 foot motor home. We are enroute, she to her brother and his family and myself to my parents house. We have made this trip many times, and there is always a new experience no matter how many times you have been down the same road.

We saw a semi-truck on its side yesterday, there were some high winds, but not terribly high. He may have fallen asleep and lost control....we whispered a prayer as we drove by. Our precious cargo includes "the garden." We didn't want to leave it home for the neighbors to watch, since my green-thumbed friend wants to take full responsibility. They are her babies now. Every sprout is encouraged, and exclaimed over. Now I know a little about how a farmer feels.

We passed the state-line without a hitch. I had forgotten all about the rules about bring plants over.....I can just imagine the headlines....."Two Church going Christian women caught, accused of bringing marijuana over the border! I could hear us now trying to explain that it is our future garden, consisting only of Okra, marigolds, radishes and spinach, but no pot.....Oh my!

The little green charges are currently on the dash recieving their morning dose of sunlight. Soon she will be bent over them with a water dropper for their watering and "encouragement."

We think our neighbor may be a Vietnam Vet, judging by the various bumper stickers which are plastered all over the back of his vehicle. He just walked by and looks like he may be related to Charles Manson's brother....Never a dull moment. One of the bumper stickers says, "Breast inspection 20 miles ahead, please have them out." Forgive me for that, but sometimes you have to be plunked right down in the middle of humanity like Jesus was. If we make it out of here without an incident we will be very happy. You never know what you might see in a KOA park.

What a blessing this trip....already. Everyone needs someone in their life that they can travel with so companionably. Nothing is a problem and everything is an adventure and a potential source of laughter......

This morning we read from the Bible and shared thoughts on Ephesians 6......we forge ahead today, each one of us reaching our destinations. In our hands, our hearts, we bring encouragement and blessings and love to our families who are all going through their own trials and hardships. And of course, they will do the same for us.....

Hopefully tomorrow I can post pictures of the "garden."

Remembering our Brokenness

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Looking back is good sometimes. It reminds us of all that God has brought us through and I think it gives us the courage to keep walking. Remembering where we came from and what God has done for us is humbling. We remember the victories, the parts of us that were mended along the way, all the joys strewn along the path. We collect them like shining treasures, even the heartaches, because He got us through those too.

I broke a figurine the other day when I was dusting a little over-zealously. I heard a sickening thud and distinctly heard pieces break off. I was afraid to look. I already knew what it was, the little angel that I bought my roommate for her Birthday. "Don't worry, she wasn't expensive," I said, "I wanted to go back to that store anyway. I'll buy you a new one."

"I don't want a new one," she said. "I will glue her back together." She gathered the pieces and put them carefully on the shelf in her room. I was still insisting on buying her a new one, when she looked at me pointedly and said softly, "It means more knowing that someone loves her enough to put her back together."

I think when she said that she was thinking of how God puts us all back together, but especially how He put her back together. She was remembering when she was broken. 

Her life was changed one morning in an instant when a truck driver who was thinking of too many other things pulled in front of her and broadsided the cement mixer she was driving. Yes, I said cement mixer. She has never been afraid to tackle anything. She remembers broken glass, and being pulled out of the truck by two good samaritans who happened to be eating their lunch close by and saw the whole thing. She remembers spending six long months in a body cast. Today she tells anyone who will listen that it was the best thing that ever happened to her. That it saved her life.

She fought through the pain of therapy and made a full recovery ahead of time. Then she moved to a strange town, my hometown, and ended up getting a job where I worked. At that time I was still grieving over the death of my husband but I clung to my faith in God and I guess she was watching me, because she started asking me questions about the God I worshipped. "How can you still be so positive?" she would say. "Because of everything He has done for me," I said back.

About a year or two later, the woman who did everything on her own in life because there was no one to do it for her, met Jesus and was baptised in a river with a crowd of witnesses and me, and she has never been the same since.

 She has held that gratefulness fresh like a flower, close to her heart ever since. She remembers being broken. I think that is why she has an unquenchable desire to fix people, things, situations. That is her gift. She is a joy to be around and a strong witness for Jesus by how she lives her everyday life. She is the first to offer help to a neighbor, to sacrifice her time, to go out of her way, all

Because she remembers who healed her.....and who keeps healing her still.

She is a fixer, like He is a fixer. And we are all broken angels sitting on a shelf, just waiting to be picked up and glued back together if we will let Him. As He repairs us, we help to repair others......

Even Jesus was broken so that we could be healed of our brokenness......."so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him." Hebrews 9:28