Twenty five years down the road........

Facebook find #1



I met her at Jazzercise and we formed an instant connection. We loved working out, buying all the latest workout togs at the local dance store. We watched movies together and she and her husband attended church....the same church I went to. They had their problems, like any couple. They had an adorable little baby boy and moved into a nice home. It seemed they had a charmed life. She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and we had a great time selecting dresses and doing all the fun stuff that goes along with it.

After my husband passed away unexpectedly, we parted ways a bit. Maybe she didn't know what to say to me and  maybe I should have tried harder to approach her. Maybe my tragedy made her uncomfortable. I still saw her at Jazzercise, where she brought her new little girl, Jordan. She had golden ringlets and huge blue eyes. A perfect child for a perfect couple, in a perfect life. Things were no longer the same between us.

I found her again on Facebook just yesterday. I didn't "friend" her, I think some friendships are best left in the past. She is divorced and both she and her husband are remarried from what I could see. Her little girl is no longer innocent. Her profile page was loaded with a few shall I say, very colorful expressions. Nothing about God. Nothing about church. But she is beautiful, and my old friend still looks great too. But it saddened me. I know that with divorce comes sadness, pain. And we were close once.

A second Facebook find.......

Her Dad did my husband's memorial service. He was a wonderful and kind man, with a great sense of humor. I attended the church where he was a Pastor shortly before moving from California. I will never forget how often he used to stop by my folks house to see me after Jody died. He was softspoken and often emotional, a very sensitive man. He was not the best preacher but nobody cared, the love he and his wife had for the Lord shone through in their love for others. They had two daughters, and later, twin sons. Shortly before I moved, the daughter got married to a great guy, a youth Pastor. She borrowed my wedding veil which I was overjoyed to let her use.

Flash forward to now.......She is still married to the same man all these years later, and they have two or three kids. On the FB news feed I saw that her husband, Rick just finished another missions trip to Africa, where I guess they have been several times. When I read of her life, I was happy for her parents, because I know they don't have to worry about her life. She and her husband belong to the Lord. On her profile there was nothing you couldn't show anyone, including her parents. Things like camping, coffeeshops, scrapbooking, and no swear words.

Two lives, two reactions. One of sadness, one of joy and hope.

I know what I got was at best an incomplete snapshot of what is really going on......but I think it told me a lot. Only time will tell how it plays out for any of us, but with God's grace we do the best we can. We know who waits for us at the end of the road....

"Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." 1 Timothy 4:16

Information Overload

"This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life." Psalm 119:50

I think it's good to have information, but sometimes you can just reach the point where you say, enough! You can read so many opinions and so many commentaries, and so many people expounding on other people expounding, that you can get literally worn out. That how I was last week after about 2 hours of surfing Christian websites. After awhile, all the words started to swirl around in my head. It was like they were all fighting for places to attach themselves. I like what my Pastor used to say, "Don't believe me, go and read the Bible for yourself!"

I really respected that. This was a very educated man, but he knew that the real teacher of the Word is the Holy Spirit. When you open the Bible and your heart at the same time, amazing things can happen. That evening last week I got in the car for the commute home, with my mind still swirling, and put in my Bible on CD. Driving in my car, listening to the rhythm of the road, and the rhythm of the Word, I felt the familiar warmth still the fluttering in my mind.

What I needed was the healing balm of the Word, and nothing else. It filled the cracks, made my desert soul an oasis once again.

Information and opinion are good, but nothing beats the truth of the Word. I don't want to be like these guys......

“May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we would like to know what they mean.” (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) Acts 17:19-21

One step at a time.....

My days off have become a bit different. They used to be somewhat free-form and abstract, now they are more task oriented. I had tasks before, but now they are oriented around someone else, not me. When you take on the role of caretaker that's what happens. At some point in life we all find ourselves in that role. I think there should be a Caregiver's Anonymous Club. Alzheimer's and Dementia needs a special group all its own.

Yesterday I was exhausted by noon, and all of it was mental. I lay down and slept blissfully for about 30 minutes in the middle of the day......It was wonderful.

If someone had seen the flowing dialogue in my mind as I went through the day they would have thought, "Surely, this is no Christian." I drove 60 MPH in a 45 MPH zone because I was so anxious to be home. I said swear words in my head at other drivers. I found myself tempted to lie about what day it was because I knew she wouldn't know the difference in order to get out of Bingo. Don't worry, I didn't. The truth of the matter is that some people expect you to act like Joel Osteen all the time if you are a Christian. Truth be told, I bet he has his moments too.

The difference is, we have the Holy Spirit to help us in those times where we feel out of control. Someone to help us in our weakness. So we pray, we take some deep breaths, we confess our sinful thoughts, and we go on. Step by step, task by task. My Mom once confessed to a friend that she loved Vodka Martinis.....She gasped and said, "But you're a Christian!" To which my Mom said, "Yes, but that has nothing to do with my taste buds!" Precisely why she has never kept it in the house. She has been a caregiver all her life, and I am sure there are times when she would have liked to pour a stiff drink in the middle of the day. That's reality. God understands that, and that is why He knew we would need the help of the Holy Spirit, and each other.

Because sometimes life just gets a bit overwhelming.

That's why I sent out the prayer SOS yesterday morning. Thank you to the absolutely wonderful responses I got, (you know who you are). One of the best things about being in the family of believers is the wonderful prayer support. The day ended up much better than it started.....So, thank you.

"We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 1:2,3

Prayer Request

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

I have a special prayer request from my blog family today. My best friend Elaine is struggling under a heavy load right now. She just started a new job, which was a very good opportunity she didn't feel she could pass up, but now she is wondering if she made the right decision. She also has what feels like another full time job, taking care of her folks. She is wondering now whether she should have taken the job at all.......and also wondering how long she can do both without it adversely affecting her health, which is it already doing. Today she cut off her unemployment, and it feels final. No more safety net.

She thought she would be able to ease into her new job, but they loaded her up the first day, knowing she had experience. The prayer she needs most right now is to learn to let go. To learn how to leave work when things are unfinished. To let it all go at 5:00 and not carry it home, where the other job, the other stress  starts.

I feel helpless. I can help, but only so much. It is the internal struggle and burden she alone carries that I can do nothing about. But I know One who can. And she has prayed about it, over and over. What do you tell someone who is carrying this kind of burden and has no clue how to unload it? It is all too easy to speak platitudes: "Just give it to God...." I know she already has. I wonder why God doesn't just do a miracle inside her and fix it. I ask myself, "Doesn't He know all the things she is doing?" But I know He does. It just seems to me He is biding His time. She needs help now.

And yet, I see all He has brought us through since all this started.

And I know He has been there, and will continue to be.

The statistics of caregivers dying before the ones they are caring for are way too high. I have heard it over and over again. I don't want her to be one of those statistics. She doesn't want to be either. She has too many others who depend on her. God knows that.

Thank you in advance for praying. I breathe thanks for all He has brought us through today. And for what I have learned from this thus far:

That maybe I am more of a caretaker than I thought I was..... that I am doing things I thought I could never do......that in spite of it all, there is still joy and laughter to be had....... for extra leaning on the Lord for our strength.....for noticing beauty in the midst of quiet moments of rest......for appreciating even more the support of good friends.....for the prayers going up from dear friends and family......for extra physical strength and steady attitude.....for hope to see what God will do through this.....extra understanding for others going through the same struggle....and for the Lord who holds my friend and me in His palm......#656-667

When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:24

Wading through Job......

“A word was secretly brought to me, my ears caught a whisper of it. Amid disquieting dreams in the night, when deep sleep falls on people, fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake. A spirit glided past my face, and the hair on my body stood on end. It stopped, but I could not tell what it was. A form stood before my eyes, and I heard a hushed voice: Job 4:12-16

I wonder, what would the ancient trees of Gethsemane tell us if they could talk.........there are whisperings there I believe even now, sometimes I imagine how it would be there in the twilight of evening. There where Jesus prayed, disciples dreamed in slumber, Angels comforted, and Satan hovered over it all.
And when it was all over.....Jesus rose again, spirit, body, soul.....death was swallowed up in victory

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” 1 Corinthians 15:54

I am wading through Job now. I am going slow so that I don't miss anything. I have read it and listened to it many times, but I somehow missed this verse. It reminded me of something out of Charles Dickens and the Ghost of Christmas past. Sometimes the Bible surprises me.....

5 Great Reasons to Believe

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

When I was wide awake this morning at 3am, I was thinking about how grateful I am that I can turn to the Lord at any time and He is always there. This started a mental list of reasons why I love being a Christian and wouldn't trade my relationship with the Lord for anything in the world. As the cats blinked at me in puzzlement at the sudden light flooding the room, I wrote the first two down. The rest came a bit later.
 
We have a friend to turn to in our best and worst days..........He loves the part of me that no one sees. Yesterday I was feeling a bit irregular, like I wasn't fitting anywhere. Every now and then those days come and I feel much like I did back in high school, like I want to hide in the bathroom stall. Like I want to avoid people, like I don't like this version of me. But God loves even the part of me that no one sees. I can take all those strange feelings and He knows exactly what to do with them!
 
Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested. Hebrews 2:18

We have an instant family.......Many people given the choice, would not have picked the family that God picked for them. But through that family we got here. However dysfunctional it may have been, (or still is) it made you what you are today. Through that family we have the opportunity to become part of God's family! God has adopted us as sons and daughters, how cool is that? It always amazes me that when I talk with someone in God's family, conversation never seems to run out.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Ephesians 1:5

We have a purpose, we no longer have to wonder why we are here or how it all got started.........Suddenly we have new eyes to see with. We are seeing things through the Spirit that we never saw before. We have an assignment, a task, a mission, above and beyond what we do for money. God becomes our life-coach.
 
For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. Romans 1:20
 
We have abundant life now, and eternal life later.........We no longer have to fear death! The Bible is clear that the instant we die, we are with the Lord. We have a taste of it now, in the Holy Spirit who has been given to us as a deposit, a guarantee of what is to come.
 
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10

We can always find that place of rest.........Whenever I feel burdened and stressed and I long for the ocean or that retreat in the mountains, I can take these feelings to the Lord and I get the true refreshment that only He can give. I can go into my closet and pray and He refreshes my soul. He knows what I need. It is a bit like taking a power nap in the middle of the day. I feel like I can go on again.
 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28

Finding God in the Landscape

Man's heart away from nature becomes hard. ~Standing Bear

"Praise the LORD from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds....." Psalm 148:7-10

Last evening I went for a walk, I just had to get out.....see a bit of the mountain silhouette against the sky. The Lord originally placed us in a garden, I believe we were meant to gaze on vistas, sit beside still waters. I think when we forget our place in the landscape we go a little bit crazy. We wonder why we get so angry at little things, like when something gets stuck on a clothes hanger and we break the hanger trying to remove it.

That is always a clue to me that I need to go out and get back in touch with a bit of nature......remember my place in it, remember how big God is and how constant. I just get a bit lost sometimes. It strikes me again that the life that most of us are living is unnatural, I really don't think we were meant for all this chaos.

Our world today is filled with noise, movement, activity and stress. Sometimes it just all sneaks up on us,  

like it snuck up on me last night. I saw the cars whizzing by the freeway between the houses, but beyond that was the mountain......

Nature is the compass that God uses to set me right. Sometimes it doesn't even take a very big dose. I think when we forget to notice nature, we forget to notice God.

photos from public domain pictures