The Visitation

The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.” John 4:6

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The God of all Comfort

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

How big is your God? I know my God is big......He is big enough to heal the deepest sorrow, and repair the most broken of hearts. I know because He's done it for me.

And even though He's big? He can make Himself show up in something as simple as a ray of light on the walkway because just now I asked Him to meet me there and He did, I felt Him there. I also prayed that He would meet you in my words.

 And how many have prayed for just that, and have not felt that assurance? He rains His Grace down at unexpected moments. You may not always feel Him, but that doesn't mean He isn't there.

He always has to make room for faith to kick in. And faith is always rewarded my friends, that's a promise.

And the days when you know that prayer is the only thing holding you together? He knows that feeling too. He knows how it feels to not even want to be around a single solitary soul. Honestly, I think there were times He wanted to tell everyone to just go away. Those are the times He went off alone to pray.

He also knows that sometimes the best thing you can do for a friend is just hold them while they cry. Job's friends did that at first and then they blew it by starting to talk. There's a time for talking, and a time for just being there.

And no matter what you might be feeling now, you can still have hope. God has an inexhaustible supply.

You can still have hope if you know God.  He is the God of all comfort. He knows how. When our words run dry and crackle in the air and fall flat.....The Holy Spirit speaks in groans deeper than any words straight to the Father.

I believe He is even better at translating the prayers that never make their way into words.

He's near. Nearer than your own breath.

The Final Answer

 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

I smoothed the sheets on my bed this morning and said a prayer of thanks because I didn't feel like I did yesterday morning. Yesterday I wasn't ready to enter into the day and I did something I never do on a day off......I went back to bed. Yet, even as I crawled back under the covers, I was aware that it was a luxury.  Just the fact that I could do it. Most can't.

 

I pulled the covers up, curled into a ball and slept until 9. For me, that's late.

 

After that I went to Walmart, which is my new place between places. I call it my own personal Bermuda Triangle. I sat with my cart amongst the fake Christmas trees and patio sets and smiled at the irony. The depression snaked behind me, but just then I felt I had outsmarted it. I felt cushioned in an island of peace. Even the pink one didn't bother me, it stood there innocently wearing sparkling white lights. How could I get mad at it?

 

I sat there playing my Words with Friends like I had nothing else to do. And it was good.

 

I got back and put everything away. And Joyce was agitated and pacing. I had closed my bedroom door and I think that threw her off too. Alzheimer's patients are like Autistic kids in that they like routine and they like normal. They don't like change.

 

And she forgets that Elaine has a job now and wonders where she is. Imagine never remembering anything? Your mind would have to work 10 times harder than anyone else's.

 

Every time I sat down at the keyboard to clack out words.....she came in or out the door. I gave up trying to write. I felt hemmed in, so I went outside for awhile and watched the birds eat the bread I left. The cactus wrens were up to their usual antics and I couldn't help but smile watching them.

 

And later the phone rang and it was a dear blogger friend just calling to say......"I have been praying for you." Never underestimate how important that is. To me it was grace like spring rain.

 

He told me his frustration about how some of his young friends just don't seem to get it. That it's not all about them, but it's about us and how we are all in this world together. And about Haiti and a world of people in need. And suddenly my problems felt smaller again. And I was able to write about just that very thing. Thank you, Duane Scott. You are a treasure.

 

Elaine came home after having to call four parents for out of control kids on the bus. They were new kids added to her route. She was exhausted. It was obvious the other driver had been ignoring the bad behavior. And then she sat in a training class where one of the other drivers constantly interrupted the instructor with unbelievably foul language.  

 

Nobody was saying anything, so she finally did.

 

Then later my Mom called and told me of her friend's daughter in law. She is in Stanford right now, a mother of three. They were all camping and she came home with a fever. Now something is attacking her liver. She is in Stanford undergoing tests and they can't find anything wrong, all those very bright minds.

 

And it was morning and it was evening and God is pulling the shade down on another day.

 

And the team we were rooting for last night is going to the World Series.

 

Each day has its own set of wins and losses. Sometimes people get it but sometimes they don't. And it's okay........We do the best we can any given day. And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness and prays for us with groans that words cannot express.

 

And in every conflict, as my friend so wisely said, the answer is always the same......Love.



Pray as if it's the first time

 

 

There must be a time of day when the man who

makes plans forgets his plans,

and acts as if he had no plans at all.

 

There must be a time of day when the man who has

to speak falls very silent.

And his mind forms no more propositions,

and he asks himself:

Did they have a meaning?

 

There must be a time

when the man of prayer goes to pray

as if it were the first time in his life

he had ever prayed,

where the man of resolutions puts his

resolutions aside

as if they had all been broken,

and he learns a different wisdom;

 

distinguishing the sun from the moon,

the stars from the darkness,

the sea from dry land,

and the night sky from the shoulder of a hill......

 

No Man is an Island:

Thomas Merton

 

This is where I am today, friends. I sat in silence today, my candle flickering,  unable to say any prayer that made any sense. Tongue-tied I sat in the silence. I was feeling nothing except the sense that I had lost myself and I wanted me back. Caretaking does that.  

 

When I read these very wise words of Thomas Merton something within me sprang to life. The recognition that so much of what we are doing in our modern society makes it all but impossible to hear God's voice. I have felt that I needed to get away and hear the sigh of the wind in the pines.....I tried on Sunday. We drove all the way up to the rim, but there was a fire and all we could smell was smoke.

 

Sometimes it doesn't work out. But God is still here.....and within me, His Spirit.

 

As long as I have Him, what else do I need? In His fullness I can find everything I will ever want, need or desire. The need I feel within, that deepest longing that we all have, can be fulfilled in Him and only in Him.  

 

When I read the lines........"When the man of prayer goes to pray as if it were the first time in his life he had ever prayed," my soul quickened. Merton got it. And I can get it too.

 

We are all broken. That's where we must start. And it's not so much a learning, it is a remembering who we are. In the Spirit of reconciliation we must turn and help heal each other. That is what makes God happiest of all. Too often we sit alone in our pain and confusion, when right next to us is someone who could help, and in letting them help us, we help them too.  

 

I leave you to prayer and meditation in every quiet moment you find today.

 

Meditation: Psalm 15

 



In the Refiner's Fire

"I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance, but He who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fan is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clean out His threshing floor, and gather His wheat into the barn; but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire." Matthew 3:11,12

Thank you Lord, for my devotion time this morning. Thank you for Your Loving Presence today. Your Spirit holds my sins up to the light exposing them for what they are, so that I can confess them before you honestly and draw near to you once again.

Thank you for knowing the real me and loving me anyway.  Sometimes I don't know how your Spirit, your Holy and perfect Spirit can tolerate living with mine, still so filled with the world and all its griefs, cares and worries.

Help my fears diminish, Lord, so I can be filled with your perfect love that your peace may take its rightful place in my heart.

And help me to see the small trials I go through in this life as Your refiner's fire of love burning away all my impurities. In all the things we could ever hope to accomplish in this life, there is only this one thing that counts.

That we know you

and in knowing you, we find our true purpose in this life.

I lift the gifts to you today Lord, in gratitude of all you give and keep giving.........The wonderful rain that poured down in this dry desert.......worship that comes in little spontaneous moments throughout the day.......a little extra money this month.......God's continued protection when I don't even know it......melons and okra sprouting like wildfire in the garden........a good day yesterday.......seeing old friends again.......music that upliftts and burns hot in the soul in praise to God......answered prayer for a first day of school......a good walk this morning......911-921

Everyday Miracles

By your words I can see where I'm going, they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything's falling apart on me, God, put me together again with your Word.......Psalm 119:105-107 The Message

I went out to pray at first light.......my coffee and communion, I call it. My favorite part of the day. But I felt somewhat flat, like someone blew out my insides with a straw. But I was okay with that. I have learned not to trust how I feel so much, but to trust God instead. So I waited in the quiet.

Sometimes, in order to get the miracle, you have to go through the obedience part first. It's kind of like exercise really. I know the more I think about it, the less likely I will do it. But I have an expectation that when I go out, put on the shoes, turn up my Ipod, start walking, I will feel better.

So, still feeling a bit hollow, I did just that. I cranked up the music and felt the air push through my lungs. My feet picked up the pace, hearing the words Casting Crowns were singing....."Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west, cause I can't bear to see the man I've been, keep rising up in me again......in the arms of your mercy I find rest.

And I thought of miracles, and how God has been with me through it all, been with my family, my friends. I can talk of miracles, all right.....and big ones. Like when my Dad was in a prayer meeting and the Holy Spirit wouldn't let him rest until he went home, and that's when the phone rang and he got the terrible awful news......

And another time, when my Mom and Dad were in prayer for my sister-in-law who was dying of cancer, praying on their knees in the bedroom, when a snow white dove came to rest on the window sill and it never left, the whole time they were praying. They never saw it again. And she has been with Jesus 14 years now.

And as I pick up my pace even more. I feel it. The miracle.......life pumping into my heart, my soul. The Spirit leaping joy within me as I hear Chris Tomlin sing about how water was turned into wine and He opened the eyes of the blind. And right then, He was opening my eyes too. Faster, and faster I walked, and now ran a bit too.

Our God is greater our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other......There's no one like You......None like You.

The daily miracle is this, that every day He opens our blind eyes.

The Spirit was bursting joy inside me now.

And then Francesca Battistelli sang......Savior I come, quiet my soul.....remember. Your blood was spilled for my ransom, everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss....Lead me to the Cross where your love poured out. This is it. The everyday miracle that is ours as believers.

I looked up to see a dove with a branch in her mouth and I thought of Noah, waiting for land. This is our inheritance, our history. This right to expect from God is ours every day and that is a miracle in itself!

By the time my walk was over, I didn't want it to end, so I walked a bit further and thought again of my former Pastor and what he used to say. It's Jesus plus nothing.

Jesus plus nothing. That is the pure and simple truth. He is everything and in all and through all. I listened as the next song came on. Don't know how it is you looked at me, and saw the person that I could be.....awakening my heart, breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace......

Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful beautiful, mercy reaching to save me.....And as I finished my walk, run.....I was filled to the brim in the knowledge that Jesus is indeed, everything.

He is my Lord, my God, my husband, me being part of the church, my savior, my friend, my all in all. Everything starts and ends with Him.

And it's all an everyday miracle. Please join me and some special friends, Ann and Duane on their sites to celebrate our faith and count His blessings on a Monday.

Walking and praying with God in the morning, a new job opportunity for Elaine's nephew and family, being revived in the Spirit, a new garden springing to life, fresh tomatoes on the counter, communion with the Saints yesterday, the joy of seeing life spring from Your word, staying sane, (just barely) dealing someone on a daily basis with a mental illness, projects that keep hands busy and mind neutral, a few days off after a tough week, and last but not least.

I am thankful today for those who continue to risk their lives for our Freedoms which we hold so dear. Keep them safe in Your hands, Lord. #911-921



Songs I listened to today:

Francesca Battistelli: Lead me to the cross, Beautiful Beautiful
Casting Crowns: East to West
Chris Tomlin: Our God
Matt Redman: You Never Let Go

A Roomful of Royalty

“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:18-20

As my feet hurriedly slapped down the stairs after work last night I was thinking about where to go. I had destinations in mind. Birthday business. Tomorrow is the Birthday of my very best friend, and as all best friends, I wish I could give her the moon. I know how tough this past year has been for her. There are so many things I wish I could do for her, so many things I wish I could give her......And she would deserve every one.

I thought.......She deserves a roomful of Royalty. A party to end all parties, a true celebration of her. Then I remembered that there will be a very special guest indeed. He is already making plans to attend. How could I have forgotten?.......Oh, Lord. I never want to forget you, please forgive me. The Holy Spirit, ever a gentleman, stands back and waits until I remember that He is the highest court in the land. Who else do we need?

It's gonna be quite a party indeed.

Invite Him today, into whatever you are doing. He is there in the midst of it, my friend. He is the third person at your table for three, you business meeting, your commute, your life.......

Thank you Lord, for everyday with you is a celebration.

Morning Prayer

But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open  and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” Acts 7:55,56

From my prayer journal:

Lord, how I love my time with you. Sometimes I sit out here and I feel only myself, all my thoughts, rattling around in my head in knots of confusion. My fears jangling, the world's emptiness weighing down my soul. Its hard to see you then, but I know it's all okay. I know you're still there. It's the trust you need to build in me, and the trust I need to see in myself.

And without those times of trust and patient waiting, despite how I feel........the sweetness of this fellowship wouldn't be nearly as sweet, the joy not as complete. What a reward when you meet me!

How I love to sit at your feet and dream of how it's going to be that day when finally we meet face to face. It occurs to me that maybe this enjoyment, this sweetness is all an allusion. Maybe I just don't know any better---like if I realized just how Holy you really were, are.....I could never be here like this. Then I remember what you did to make this all possible.

I remember the cross.

And I imagine what Stephen saw when He saw the Heaven opened as he was being stoned to death. Or rather, stoned to life. I think of the joy I'll feel when I look at you. My first response will be to fall at your feet in reverence, even fear. Overwhelmed by your Presence......your beauty.

Then I will hear that voice of many waters. The one I have imagined ever since I met you. I will hear the love pouring out, unbelievable love for me. And what wonder, what unbelievable rapture when I lift my head expecting judgment, yet seeing more love in your eyes that I ever knew was possible.

"The one thing I ask of the LORD--the thing I seek most--is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD's perfections and meditating in his Temple." Psalm 27:4

Getting Small

Sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, it's a good thing to shrink yourself down and get close to a tree......and remember when you were small and the world was a very magical place where you believed leprechauns hid behind trees and watched you, and fairies played with fireflies at dusk.

You have to get small again and open your ears to what God wants to say in the deep silence.

He is saying, "See here......I have created all this beauty that you walk by everyday, just so you will know that I am here,

I have not left you and I never will.

I have made my mark and written my name across everything I have created.......and I made the moon so that you could look upon my face and be reminded and be comforted."

At times like these, I know why Jesus called His Spirit the Comforter......Just when I feel left out in the cold, like everyone "gets it" but me.....He comes and warms like a fire from the inside out.

His touch cures the ails of this world like nothing else can.

In the Stillness

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

My prayers this morning were little more than breathing in and out. Some words came, I went down my usual list of those loved ones weighing heavy on my heart. And then as I remembered that sometimes it is okay to just be quiet and listen.....a curious thing happened.

I heard.

I heard the dove song and behind that, the freeway loading up with the morning commute. Another bird of a different kind further away. I retreated further into myself and listened for what the Holy Spirit might be praying for me. He does you know......when we can't find the words of our own.

I picked up my old Living Bible that I had picked up off the bookshelf on the way outside. It was mine first, then my Mom's. She carried it out  to me on the day I moved away from her, from my hometown....tears streaming down. Even now, the memory hurts because the years have flown by way too fast. I hold it to my chest, I hug it like I am holding her too.

I see my words, and hers on the front flap. Co-mingled together......Our thoughts of God married together on those pages.

My breathing slows and I meditate on the Lord and how He heals us, draws us together.

I whisper His language.....the one He gave to me, and in between the silent pauses where Heaven and earth connect......We connect, and He tells me again, that it will be okay.

Isn't it wonderful to know that by thanking Him, we honor Him? And not only that, thanking Him does something supernatural to our heart and soul. It sifts out all the worry and fear and stress, replaces it with joy and peace. It reminds us that God is still and always in control.

846-856

A good appointment at the Doctor for Elaine and her Mom, he saw the situation as it really was, and took time with them. It was like an SOS call that was answered.

First week at new building at work and it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be.

Good weather holding out......knowing that soon it will be too hot to go outside for very long.

Good memories made from the trip to California.

School time again for those parents and caregivers who need a break.

New Easter flag flying, bright against the sky.

As we get ready to celebrate the week of Passion once again, we know that really, each sunrise we celebrate Easter all over again.

Found rings, which I looked all over for in a panic yesterday, they turned up in the back pocket of my jeans which I had look through three times already!

Pictures that turn out, most of the time by accident and the fact that I have a really good camera.

Lunch after church......always a special time of the week.

God's Language is Love

                      

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:26, 27

So many times I search for the right words....I falter. No words express what I am trying to say. It's frustrating! But we need not ever search for the right words.....The Holy Spirit always knows the perfect words. It is as if He is laying out my heart before the Father, in the Father's own language!

At one point in my Christian walk, I was almost obsessed with having a "prayer language." I wanted to know everything I could about speaking in tongues. I read books, I talked to other Christians, I prayed for the gift. I wanted the "experience." A pastor friend I know says he prayed for the gift and months later he was driving down the road and was so overcome with emotion he had to pull over. Then he spoke in tongues for the first time.

At one point, I went so far as going to a church meeting and having the pastor pray for me to "get it" right then and there. Nothing came forth.......not one utterance. He prayed.......I waited. And waited. Not one Holy peep. He told me, "Just praise God out loud." I did, well, not really loud, in English.

Me and another lady were ushered off to the side where we were prayed for again, to no avail. She seemed somewhat upset. I mumbled something out loud and they thought they had success, "Glory to God!" I went and sat down just so they could stop praying.

Looking back, parts of this meeting now seem very humorous, although not in an irreverent way. It was an evening spent with people who loved God gathering together for one purpose, to praise Him. The motive in my heart was pure. That's what God saw. My prayer may not have been answered the way I wanted it that night, but not because of what anyone did or didn't do. Not the Pastor, not me, not anyone....certainly not God.

One day, many months after that night while I was vacuuming I started singing and praising God....in another language. It came quietly and unannounced, like a gentle dove. I didn't lose control, I didn't black out or fall to the floor. I was completely coherent and rational. And that is how its been every time since. It is my prayer language and only God hears it. It is His gift to me and it is precious.

And it came in His timing. And whatever you believe about this particular topic, the Holy Spirit is very much alive and working in the hearts of men and women today.

I know there are some denominations who teach that without this gift, you aren't saved. I have never read that in the Bible. I also know some denominations that say it's not for today, it only happened once on the day of Pentecost. All I know is it happened to me. Regardless, we never have to worry about either having a prayer language or not having one, God always hears the cry of our heart.

Not only do we have Jesus actively interceding before the Throne of the Father, we have the Holy Spirit interceding for us in our prayers! That unspoken request that is in your heart today? Be assured, it has already been communicated in the best language....God's language! And His language is always

Love

Bloomin joy

"I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" John 15:11

Ever have one of those days where for some inexplicable reason you feel like bubbling over with joy? No particular circumstance has caused it.....you may be on your way to work, or on your way to the Dentist (this is for other people, not me) I am one of those people who have dreams about my teeth falling out, or losing crowns. No, I am talking about joy for no external reason at all. This particular kind of joy is described in many places throughout Scripture......

"You have shown me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence." Acts 2:28

"With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation!" Isaiah 12:3

"When I discovered your words, I devoured them. They are my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God of Heaven's Armies." Jeremiah 15:16

It is a sing at the top of your lungs kind of joy! Everyone at some point in life has experienced this joy. It is a by-product of life, my friends. You don't have to know the source of the stream for your thirst to be quenched or to feel its refreshment, but oh how much more satisfying it is when you do!  

It is a natural result of a supernatural event......the Holy Spirit taking up residence in us! Kind of like these little flowers, they don't think about whether to bloom, they bloom because they have to! While the actual joy "feeling" comes and goes, just knowing we never have to be alone again is why it's possible to have hope in every circumstance. Why we can "bloom" no matter what is around us.

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16

I pray that whatever your circumstance today that you feel the breath of His Spirit.............and the fruit of the Spirit filled to overflowing.

And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. John 20:22

Showdown in the Desert

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. Isaiah 9:2

I struggle with this post today. How to get into words what I feel this year? This particular advent? Each year I ask myself the same questions. What did it mean then, and what does it mean today? How can anyone truly understand the wonder of the Living God coming down to earth as a baby? This is why we are celebrating, after all.

Yesterday I saw a sign at a Scottsdale shopping mall describing Santa as "The man of the Season." Really? I guess for some he is the man of the season, but not for me.

Sometimes.....many times, in our walk of faith we come to a place of decision. That is where I was yesterday. It was difficult to pray. I sat in silence, my heart feeling like a stone. I was struggling. It was a battle I was facing and I had to ask myself a serious question. It was a showdown in the desert. I

Jesus had one too. And He won.

After prayer I came back inside, pacing. Lately I have noticed anger.....resentment bubbling underneath my surface, ready to flare at little meaningless things. I know where it comes from. And I also know that it was a Spiritual battle not a physical one I had to fight.

I know Satan's tactics. It was between him and me now. I was determined that he would not win. Can I just say to anyone who thinks that Satan isn't real, that he isn't absolutely bent on our destruction, just look at our world today. That my friends, is not the work of God.

What He created was and is perfect. Take the human element out of this world and you would be left with the same perfection as in the day of creation. Still and always, good. But thankfully, there is a good human element in play as well. All around us there are those who hold back the tide. And let's just call it what it is.....evil.

I realized yesterday morning, that if I can't handle one old, stinky bad tempered woman, yes I did say stinky. We are going on week six of no shower. She gets absolutely hostile and angry when Elaine suggests she take one. So we just keep spraying air freshener and lighting candles throughout the house.

If I can't handle this situation, then my faith means nothing. I am a fraud as a Christian. I may as not sing one Christmas carol. You see, that was and is the battle. Yours might be different, but we are all in one once we claim the name of Christ. It is not about flesh and blood at all. 

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12 

It is an old battle and nothing new. Yesterday I determined that God and I together would win it. Peace will reign in this home, in my heart. I will lay my struggle down at the feet of Jesus. I will let the Spirit take over instead of trying to fight it on my own.



"Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:12

Once I made up my mind......peace flooded into my heart. That is what advent means to me this year. It means peace, it means victory, it means we may have battles, but Jesus has won the war for us!

I continue my count today with renewed gratitude........Decorating with joy for the season.......A best friend who understands and shares my burdens in prayer and conversation.....Christmas lights that work.....Snowman doormat....new heater in prayer room.......talks by the firelight......Morning chill......a call from my Aunt last night.....laughter when all else fails......Sleigh with stuffed Christmas babies that always make me smile.....#743-#753

The problem of forgiveness

 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14, 15

Bryan Stow can speak again.

And he wants to see his kids.

Stow, the San Francisco Giants fan who was brutally beaten outside of Dodger Stadium on opening night of the season recently uttered his first words since awakening from a medically induced coma.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A criminal complaint against two new suspects describes in graphic detail the injuries suffered by a San Francisco Giants fan who was beaten nearly to death outside Dodger Stadium — including cuts to the victim's face and tongue.



As I looked at the photo in the paper of beating victim Bryan Stow and his two kids, I struggled. Then when I saw the photo of the two suspects who were charged, I struggled again, big time. How to forgive something that horrific? Could I forgive someone who did that? What if it was my Dad....brother....friend.....husband that was beaten almost to death. His only crime? Wearing a Giants Jersey to a Dodgers game.

Forgiveness is a big issue, one of the toughest. Peter struggled with it......he asked Jesus how many times he needed to forgive someone who had wronged him. I don't think he liked Jesus answer any better than I would.

It seems there are so many things in our society that are so hard to forgive. Our justice system too often fails us....lets killers and drug dealers, pedophiles back out on the streets only to have them do the same things they did before. We send children into the arms of parents that have no right to have them. As an animal lover I am distraught at the amount of cruelty inflicted on them.

We scream for justice, and we wouldn't be wrong in that.

But forgiveness is the bedrock of our faith. Christianity was founded on forgiveness.....How God Himself pardoned us. The painful fact is, each one of us has turned away from Christ at some point or other. It's what put Him on the cross, after all.

I sometimes think of forgiveness in terms of degree. I could forgive this but not that....never that. I think I could forgive something done to me easier than something done to someone I care about.

But I stand here in a state of grace, knowing that Christ forgave me everything.....wiped my slate clean. I also know that Jesus expects me to forgive everything wronged me, not just what I choose. I remember that the same Holy Spirit that made it possible for Jesus to forgive the world lives in me.

His forgiveness flowing through the Holy Spirit, flowing through me. God doing the forgiveness for me.

That is the only way I can reconcile it in a way that makes sense. Even then it would be an agonizing wrestling match between my will and what I know God expects. Yet as I stand here forgiven, looking forward to a future filled with hope, could I rationalize the right to withhold that same forgiveness to someone who wronged me?

I think of the road to Calvary Jesus walked for me once again and I already know the answer.

Though I sincerely hope I will never be put to the test, I know that it is the one thing that would make my Christianity more real to the world than anything my words could ever say.

The Song around the throne

Don't you wonder where it comes from? That hymn that you almost forgot? It shows up when you are tired, or anxious, or fearful. Or maybe it's a verse that comes just when you need it. They float in and out. Sometimes they are like a little whisper deep in your soul.

That's the Holy Spirit. He can't keep from singing....and in the quiet places in my soul, I join in. I may be anxious, or scared, or worried. But when I hear His song, my own spirit sings along. The arrow of truth sinks deep. It's His way of reminding me.

Jesus is all I need. Jesus is all I need. That's the one I kept hearing this morning. Yes, I know He is. My mind and all my past experiences and logic tell me so and I know it to be true. He is more than enough. It's my heart that falters, slow to get the message.

I was worried about my Mom yesterday. They had to give her a new medication because her heart was beating too fast. The Doctor mentioned stroke. I realized again that someday, sooner than later, I will have to live without her, and I don't want to.

Jesus is enough, yes. But I want her here too. I can't think that she won't be here as long as I will.

I was so distracted and worried that it took someone with Alzheimer's in the passenger seat to tell me that I had the green arrow....that was right after I heard the loud honking behind me.

Then I got irritated at them because they were impatient and I honked back.

As my cousin would say, Onward Christian Soldiers.

Sometimes it does feel like a war.

Inside me He is singing and I am doing my best to sing along. There is an endless song around the throne of God that I like to imagine. And it never stops.

That's the one the Holy Spirit sings....and its the one we will all sing one day, by and by.

When resentments cloud our prayers

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever, ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless." Gandhi

Yesterday morning prayer time was wonderful......I went outside and instead of being greeted with stifling heat I was met with a blessedly cool 75 degrees, something that is a distant memory between the months of May through early September here. And something else I have longed for, prayers accompanied by a little sprinkling of raindrops on the roof.

Afterwards, I went to look for my patriotic flag to hang for September 11 and remembered that it was a bit weather worn and I had thrown it out. I decided I needed to fly a real flag, so off I went to Walmart at 6:30 in the morning. Not many people there then. I drove home with my precious commodity and proudly hung it out.....red white and blue......glory against the backdrop of Arizona sky.

Today's prayer didn't go quite so well. It was clouded by a resentful thought that I could not dislodge. It came about halfway through prayer and stuck there.....

Instead of praying about it, as I should have done, I decided to keep it for awhile.....mull it over. It started me asking questions. Those irritating whys.....Forgiveness is good and right and Godly........yet so difficult when you have to live it out day in and day out.

How do you forgive someone when they have hurt someone you love?

When you are the caretaker for someone who has never cared for you, never treated you well, wounded you emotionally?

When you don't have to live with them it's easy. Out of sight, out of mind. But what if they are never out of sight? What then? It's like reopening old wounds every day.

Living out the Christian faith is easy when it's never tested. Our faith doesn't grow if it's not challenged. That's when we grow closer to Him. When we're tested. The challenge is proof that He loves us.

It's our love for God that motivates us to leave behind those things in us that are not Godly. Those things in me He wants me to change. The Holy Spirit does not deserve to live in a body and mind steeped in resentment....fear....anger. It helps to remember the sacrifice.

The terrible price that was paid for us. The ultimate price.  ^"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6: 19, 20

As I sat in a beautiful church service yesterday, remembering the sacrifice of all those people running into those burning buildings, and saw all the names of those who died streaming down the wall.......my eyes streamed too. Four candles lit, one for each plane down.

They paid with their lives for the evil someone else did. He paid with His life, for what He didn't do.

"For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Could it be that sometimes God's blessing comes from those who have been our biggest challenge in life? Could it be that He is heaping treasure in Heaven for us through this very person, these very circumstances that are the source of so much pain?

Is the very act of forgiveness the thing that will bring about the salvation for us all?

This one thing I know to be true.......God is building something eternal in us right here and now. It is something so big and so great we can scarcely imagine it. Everything we do with His help and by His power changes us forever.

Thankfulness wells up again, and again as I remember this.......

When God Speaks

I was going to write about something entirely different today, but then I read Duane Scott's post over at Michelle's place. I remembered something my Dad told me when I was back home this last time......As I read about what Duane so rightly calls, the hard hallelujah, 24 years fell away and I thought about my own period of deep grief and all the events that threatened to swallow my family whole.

Dad told me about the night that God spoke.......It was a Tuesday evening and he was getting ready for a prayer meeting he usually attended. Something kept holding him back. He chalked it up as laziness and continued getting ready. But there was a weight, a heaviness that seemed to be holding him back.

He went but didn't participate in the prayer......He sat quietly in the back, trying to pray, but feeling like he wasn't supposed to be there.

Oppressed by a darkness he couldn't explain.

He says it was as if a strong undertow was pulling him back home. The voice, the Holy Spirit within him was growing louder and more insistent as the night wore on. "Go home and go quickly."

It wasn't audible, it didn't have to be.

Right after he got home the phone rang. It was me calling from Mexico and to this day I don't remember either calling, or the conversation. What my Dad did understand was that the man I had just married three days before had died in an accident and I was left alone.....in a country not my own.

On what was supposed to be my honeymoon.......

If my Dad had not heeded God's voice, my Mom would have had to take that call alone. I don't think she could have handled it.

So while the glow of the wedding was still bright and fresh, the bouquet still in bloom....while relatives had barely had time to get home, they had to come back for a memorial.

And I had to figure out what to do with a future I had all planned out.

The grief was so deep I thought I would never get out. It affected us all. God watched me mess up, veer wildly off the path at times. He watched me deal with the grief all wrong, and that must have been painful for Him to watch.....But in all that time, He never left me.

There are no words for sadness that goes so deep. I remember we all said, "How can the birds still be singing?" In all of our hard hallelujahs no words of comfort ever sound right. But now that I am so far on the other side of that grief, I can comfort others in a way someone else can't and I know it.

But how to comfort when there are no words? The best thing can be just your presence, a hug....shared tears. A listening ear........Stopping by after everyone else goes away.

You might ask the question, "Well, if God spoke once, why didn't He speak another warning? Why didn't He intervene in the big thing that happened.....Why didn't He prevent it?"

There is an answer that comforts me, and I know it to be true. I know my God. There is a reason He didn't intervene, but I don't know what it is. Maybe it was because He was saving me or someone else from an even greater grief further down the road. That is what I choose to believe....it's how I find comfort.

I didn't always have peace about it, but I do now. All these years later, the "why" question matters less and less. Heaven is not nearly as far as we think. The joy that springs up in the heart even in the midst of unbearable sorrow is proof. For we know where they are.......

Though He didn't keep the awful event from happening, I know He loves me more than anything, and I know He was with me every step of the way.

The death of a child is much harder for me to understand. I can't imagine that kind of grief.

All I know is that He loves us so very much, even more than we can imagine, and He loves our loved one even more than we do.

Whoever reads this, please whisper a prayer for Duane, the grieving parents of his nephew and all the family. Thank you Duane, for such a beautiful and real post today and thank you Michelle for sharing it.

From Religion to Relationship

'Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

Christianity was never about religion but relationship. Even before Christ came to earth we had God reaching down to Abraham and Sarah, before that we had God creating Adam and Eve and placing them in the garden. It is always God who makes the first move.

There is a point where we stop trying to spin all the plates and live up to what we know we never can, apart from Christ. That is where we invite Him in........That's where it starts. So many times I ask Him to assist me in doing what I have no business doing. God doesn't want to assist us in anything...

He wants to live His life out in us..................Through the Holy Spirit! That's the Aha moment of the Christian life. That is what makes it so vastly different from anything else.

I can call upon my Father at any hour of the day or night and I know He is always listening......because I'm His child. What Father wouldn't?

This morning as I carried my coffee (His Blood) and my scone (His Body) out to my prayer room, I had communion of a different kind. Remembering what He did on the cross, that's what communion is. This is my body, broken for you......a prayer of Thanksgiving from my heart to His.

Sometimes the elements look a bit  different, but really, isn't it our intent He looks at?  

"But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Jesus valued relationships above all. He put people over religion every single time. That's what got Him in trouble with all those religious folk. Jesus broke molds right and left while He was on this earth. He not only broke them, He smashed them to bits.

He talked with women, met with sinners, ate with people from across the tracks. That's the God I love.

And if you answer His knock, I can promise you won't be disappointed.

photos taken in Twain Harte, California
bottom: My brother Ron and daughter Lauryn

Because He lives, life is worth it!

“Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! Job 19:23,24

I am continuing my reading through Job. It is slow going, but that is okay. It is tempting to skim through Job. It's painful reading.....As I read through his life, I am starting to feel like I am watching a dear friend suffer, and it hurts. Job wasn't just a very wealthy man with a large family, he was also well known for doing good in the community. He was actively involved in taking care of the poor, opening his home to others, sticking up for the underdog. He wasn't satisfied to just  sit back and enjoy all of God's blessings when he knew others were suffering and in need.

It is tempting to skip through the long winded speeches of his so called friends. I want to tell them to be quiet! But maybe I am being too hard on them. There is truth in much of what they say, I just don't think much of it applies to poor Job. Anyway, I can learn from their words what not to do. There is a time to speak and a time to comfort in silence.

So I am going slow. I am going back when I catch myself scanning instead of reading....because every word is important.

Right after Verse 18 when Bildad winds up his speech, Job starts speaking again. And his words stun me because I always thought this verse came from Isaiah. In the midst of his excruciating suffering, the Holy Spirit speaks a beautiful prophecy spoken through the dry, split lips of suffering Job. Like manna from Heaven the words float down.......

I know that my redeemer lives,

and that in the end he will stand on the earth.

And after my skin has been destroyed,

yet in my flesh I will see God;

I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another.

How my heart yearns within me!

Right there in the middle of Job....... a well known aria from the Easter portion of Handel's Messiah! I know, I know, there are people, Biblical scholars, who say that this has nothing to do with Jesus, but I disagree.....I think that Job knew exactly who his redeemer was, and that he also knew that when his time on earth was through, that he would see the One who redeemed him. He knew like one who has been through the refining fire of suffering knows......He lives! And maybe it took the suffering for Job to know that he truly did believe....

To echo the old song that I used to sing in church......."Because He lives, I can face tomorrow." Because He lives, I can get up and go to a stressful job. Because He lives, every day is a gift. Because He lives, it's all worth it! "......And life is worth the living, just because He lives!"

And lest you beat yourself up because you feel you should be leaping out of bed instead of praying face down on the carpet, remember this: "There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus".....That was one of the first verses to spill out of the CD player this morning on the way to work. I take great comfort in the fact that He doesn't love me because I am perfect, but because I am His child!

In the end, Job got his prayer answered. The book of Job is considered one of the most beautiful literary works of all time. His words stand the test of time and eternity......

Photo by Andrea Schafthuizen, public domain pictures

Information Overload

"This is my comfort in my affliction, for Your word has given me life." Psalm 119:50

I think it's good to have information, but sometimes you can just reach the point where you say, enough! You can read so many opinions and so many commentaries, and so many people expounding on other people expounding, that you can get literally worn out. That how I was last week after about 2 hours of surfing Christian websites. After awhile, all the words started to swirl around in my head. It was like they were all fighting for places to attach themselves. I like what my Pastor used to say, "Don't believe me, go and read the Bible for yourself!"

I really respected that. This was a very educated man, but he knew that the real teacher of the Word is the Holy Spirit. When you open the Bible and your heart at the same time, amazing things can happen. That evening last week I got in the car for the commute home, with my mind still swirling, and put in my Bible on CD. Driving in my car, listening to the rhythm of the road, and the rhythm of the Word, I felt the familiar warmth still the fluttering in my mind.

What I needed was the healing balm of the Word, and nothing else. It filled the cracks, made my desert soul an oasis once again.

Information and opinion are good, but nothing beats the truth of the Word. I don't want to be like these guys......

“May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we would like to know what they mean.” (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.) Acts 17:19-21