When heavy hearts give thanks

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus......1 Thessalonians 5:18


I have misheard and misunderstood this Scripture and caused myself much grief, packing a load on myself I was never meant to carry. I have had to remind myself that it doesn't say to be thankful FOR for circumstance, but IN the circumstance. So today, I offer up thanks to a God who is worthy of all my gratitude, all the time.

Thank you Lord that even when our hearts are hurting, the fountain of thankfulness still somehow keeps bubbling up. I woke up at around 2:30 and the first thing that popped into my mind was the line to the song that says:

Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm.......

Thank you for the twinkling lights outside my window for they remind me of what and who I am celebrating, and for the love of a friend who put them up when I know that all she wanted to do was put this Christmas on fast forward.....not the reason of it, for that she clings to, but all the stuff that goes along with it.

In her loss this season she still thinks of how she can make others happy, so she put the timer on so that I would see them when I left for work. That kind of heart is what makes the Lord happy.

That king of gratitude when it isn't easy is like shaking our fist in Satan's face.

Thank you Lord, for an Aunt who calls me even when she is going through her own kind of loss this year once again with her husband in a rest home....she misses her old life, but still she waves the flag of gratitude because she has her health and that she can see him each day.

And most of the time, he is in a good mood.

Thank you Lord, for the classical station that actually came in this morning as I was driving to work. Those notes filled out a hollowed out place in my soul that I didn't realize was there until I heard it. It lifted me, made me better somehow. I believe that's what good music should do.

And thank you that things at work are relatively calm right now. We are in between processes and winding down so I can have time to relax at my station and I really need that right now.

Especially now.

I feel fatigued today, Lord. I need those wings of eagles to lift me up.....in fact I can feel them now. I already feel better. And send a big eagle for Elaine. She needs one worse.

Sincerely, your girl.

The Blessing

 Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there. Matthew 19:13-15

"I am doing a new thing with Lauryn now before she goes to her class," my Mom said. "I lay my hands on her and pray a little blessing." She saw someone do this on one of her Sunday morning shows. "I thought, why not do it for her." So now right before she slings on her backpack and heads off to join her friends, my Mom holds both hands on a very fidgety child and says:

"The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace."

She went on to say that the first time she did it, she was wiggling around a lot, wondering what she was doing. "But now," she says, "She expects it, and I think she likes it a little." I verified this with my own eyes when I was there. She got this little mischievous smile that I caught on camera right after the prayer.

What a blessing to have a Grandma who prays for you...........and the laying on of hands? The Bible encourages it.

My Mom paused in her activity and said........"Do you remember how you and I prayed before school by the fire?" Of course I do. I told her I blogged about probably more than once, and I know I have thanked her more than once too.

How could I ever forget those times? Just she and I in the warm glow of the firelight. She praying for a very unhappy teen aged daughter because she just didn't know what else to do. I can still hear how she sounded, and feel her work-worn hands of love in mine. It makes me want to cry for the gratitude of her.

And it's not like you are really praying for safety, because things do happen, despite the prayers before going out. It's more like a release. It's a way of saying:

I give you to the Lord, and no matter what happens, we will be okay.

And we will.

For this reason I remind you to kindle afresh the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. 2 Timothy 1:6,7

Two to a car

 

 

 

But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill. Psalm 3:3,4

 

This morning I went out to pray like a monk, I was glad there was a hood on my sweatshirt, because all of a sudden it has turned cold.....cold for here anyway. As I lit my "prayer lantern" I sank into my chair and bowed my head. There are so many things I am thankful for, why do I feel such despair at times? I have a good job and people who love me. I am doing some writing and there are actually people who get something out of what I write. I am constantly surprised by joy over that.

 

But there is another thing I have been fighting, and it's a big one. I hesitate to even write about it because I don't think I can put it into words. And yet I must because writing is my way out....my way up.

 

I've been fighting this thing. It's called "The Change." There is a reason they call it that. I wondered and wondered why I have felt this way and it suddenly hit me.

 

I am grieving. Grieving who I was before.

 

Who has taken my old happy life and what have they done with it?

 

As it hit me, tears gushed. And part of it was the relief of knowing. The other part is the not knowing. I don't know what waits on the other side of this tunnel. Every now and again normalcy touches down and I breathe a sigh of relief.

 

My faith holds me now. I howl like a wounded animal on the inside because I don't want anyone to hear.

 

I walk down the Christmas aisles at the store and I want to cry. Pumpkin pie filling makes me cry. People being kind to me makes me cry.

 

I drive on the freeway and I feel the white heat of anger lashing out. I call unsuspecting people all kinds of names they don't deserve. They are just trying to get home, after all.

 

I am losing what I fought so hard to get back when I starved myself.  The part of me that was always a reminder of health.....possibility....promise....life.

 

How do you let go of something you have had all your life? And who will I be on the other side of this.....will it make me less than I am right now?

 

How do you go about going through a change that will usher in the last phase of your life, especially when you still wear Miss Me jeans and buy your clothes in the junior section?

 

I got up and wiped my nose on my sleeve. And God gave me something, just a little vision of hope. I was sitting on the little train I used to ride at the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk. It was two to a car....And in the seat beside me: Jesus rode.

 

And He promised he would be with me all the way through. And I know He will, He's a man of His word. Yes, there is much comfort in two to a car.

 

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Carpet fiber prayers

It was a "Carpet fiber" prayer morning. "Please Lord, help me get up and do this." That's all. My mind was churning at 2:00 AM. I tried reciting the 23rd Psalm, that usually works when I can't sleep. Not this time. I felt overwhelmed. Life is complicated, people are complicated, and my shoulders were never meant to carry all this.

At break, all I wanted to do was go out to my car and be alone with Jesus.

When you are going through something, or your family is......the situation can become bigger than everything else. Even God.

In a recorded speech, Martin Luther Kings talks about a time when he considered giving up. He had just gotten another phone call, a death threat, threatening he and his whole family. Not long before he had been arrested and thrown in jail for driving 30 mph in a 25 mph zone. He was sitting at his kitchen table, a cold cup of coffee before him. He was trying to figure a way out. How he could turn it all over to someone else and go back to the quiet life of a scholar like he had planned. Here is how he describes that moment:

"I discovered then that religion had to become real to me, and I had to know God for myself. And I bowed down over that cup of coffee. I will never forget it......I prayed a prayer, and I prayed out loud that night. I said, "Lord, I am down here trying to do what's right. I think I'm right. I think the cause that we represent is right. But Lord, I must confess that I'm weak now. I'm faltering. I'm losing my courage."

It was then that he heard an inner voice......."Martin Luther, stand up for righteousness. Stand up for justice. Stand up for truth. And lo I will be with you, even until the end of the world."

Three nights later a bomb exploded on the front porch of King's home, filling the house with smoke and broken glass but injuring no one. He took it calmly: "My religious experience a few nights before had given me the strength to face it." We have all reached that crossroads, we ask the question: "How can I get out of this?" We can't take another step. We want escape. But it is at that point where the Holy Spirit comes in and does what we can't do. He takes over.......Peter was at that point after he denied Jesus, but what happened just a few days after that? The day of Pentecost!

A Mama's Prayers

See, I will bring them from the land of the north
    and gather them from the ends of the earth.
Among them will be the blind and the lame,
    expectant mothers and women in labor;
a great throng will return.
They will come with weeping;
    they will pray as I bring them back.
I will lead them beside streams of water
    on a level path where they will not stumble,
because I am Israel’s father,
    and Ephraim is my firstborn son.

 

Jeremiah 31:8,9

 

Ever feel like you're in exile? I think we all do at some point in life. Maybe you are in a job you hate but you know you need to stay there until retirement. Maybe you are in school and you feel like that is exile. Maybe, God forbid, you are in jail or prison. Wherever or whatever that exile is, you are not where you want to be yet.

 

As I have been reading through Jeremiah, I have wanted to get to the "good part." Israel rebelled as a nation, adopted other religious practices that went against everything God and everything He stands for, even going as far as sacrificing their own children on altars to foreign gods. It is painful to read, knowing what's coming.

 

Knowing they will be exiled from their homeland, expelled, taken into captivity. Again.

 

And yet, when I read these words, I thought about Israel today. I think about all they have had to go through as a nation and how God was faithful to His word. None of the powerful nations that went against them are around anymore, and Israel is still standing as a nation, as a people.

 

Flash forward to my life right now. And my life up to this point. How like Israel I have been, ignoring God, thinking I knew best, thinking I didn't need church, breaking my Mom and Dad's heart when I decided to give up food. And yet......

 

God was so merciful. He never left me. He brought me out of exile, back home where I belong.

 

I am at a crossroads at work right now, and as I was praying this morning, I knew that I had to once again, give it up to the Lord. I am burned out. There is no spark left in this fire.

 

And yet in other parts of my life the fire is blazing.

 

And anytime someone invites me to write or says what I wrote helped them? I am saved a little bit more.

 

There was a time long ago. God brought it to me again as I was praying this morning, like a sweet balm to my soul. All at once I was back home in front of the fire with my Mom. Tears sprang to my eyes as I remembered how she would get up in the morning before I got ready for High School and start a fire. She and I would watch 700 Club together, just the two of us.

 

And she would take my hand in hers, voice trembling, and pray for me.

 

She knew High School was my exile. It was so hard for me in so many ways. My Dad would have prayed too, but he was in his own exile at that time. A job he hated. And yet God brought him out of that too. Because of his never taking sick leave, he was able to retire at 62. A free man.

 

And because of my Mama's prayers, I graduated and was removed from my exile too. Through it all God taught me the lesson of faithfulness, and never giving up because someone else is believing in you. And that God is with me wherever I go. And He caused some good things to happen in those four years too.

 

I wrote a poem for my favorite teacher back then, my music teacher Wylie Moffat. Even then words were longing to break free in me. He had it framed and it hung in his house up until he died. And my words were used on the cover of his memorial service bulletin.

 

Today, I am thankful for fireside prayers. They are still working.

 

Thank you Mom, for being so faithful.

 

Are you ready?

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:66-69


I had just finished reading John chapter 6 during my prayer time a few mornings ago. I closed my eyes as I digested all I had read......this chapter is swirling with action. I needed to reflect for a moment on all I had read. It was just getting light out and I heard a dove calling from a few houses away. My little candle was flickering away silently casting a reflection in the little shop window.

I was surprised by a question that was breathed into my heart.....I had just read that saddest of verses, the one where many of Jesus disciples hit the road. It was another instance where Jesus had just finished confounding people with the truth, and it wasn't want they wanted to hear.

"Are you ready to be my Disciple?" that was the question I heard.

I sat there conflicted. "Of course I am," I thought. But then I remembered how many of them ended up.

And what was required. Am I ready to take a plunge off a 500 foot drop? Am I ready to commit the rest of my life to a God who commands the wind and the rain? Who can speak the world into existence? Who is many times unpredictable and scary? Am I ready to go wherever He asks? Wherever He leads?

Then I thought about life itself. If someone would have asked me when I came into this world, knowing what I know now, all I would go through, would I have so been quick to say, "Bring it on?"  I most likely would  have said no, I am not ready. Who is ever ready? 

But do I want to do it anyway, also knowing what I know now? And has it been worth it thus far?

To that I can give a resounding, and emphatical "Yes."

God, in His great wisdom, chooses to bring us through a bit at a time. He allows some pain for growth, but also baptizes us with joy and wraps us in His love and comfort through His Holy Spirit.

That is where I stand today and rejoice along with the 12, for as Peter so rightly said,  "To where would we go?"

Indeed.

Thank you Lord, for giving me the chance at this wonderful adventure of following you. Everything this world has to offer pales in comparison to what You have to give. Amen

I love you God, but.......

"Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.......Exodus 3:1

"I love you, God....." But after I said it, I could hear how it sounded to my own ears. What must it have sounded like to God's? I was weary of myself so I could understand how He could be weary of me. Of my same prayers.......my same requests. I was feeling like a bad actor before a Holy God. And the act of sitting out there felt like a charade this morning.

Here I am Lord, again. Don't you get tired of me Lord? I would if I were you. It was a prayer, but there was a "but" behind my "I love you" that didn't belong.

If I knew how Holy the ground was beneath my feet, these Teva sandals would be off my feet in a New York minute. The truth is, sometimes it is just hard to feel the Holy when we are down here on what feels right now like a grubby little planet. The dirt and debris has piled up near the door from yesterday's dust storm and I stepped through it to make my way to Him, to the place of our morning meeting.

I'm still the same old me. I have not lost the ten pounds I wanted to lose by the trip to California in July and the month is half over. I will shock everyone with the blinding white of my skin when I put on my bathing suit. I also need to dye my roots.

And today my prayers sounded more like exasperated sighs than reverence for you.

I wasn't feeling it today. But I know better now. I have learned you can't always trust feelings. I am, however haltingly, learning to trust Him.

I turned where He directed, to the story of Moses. I wanted to read about the bush that God lit with Holy fire and it didn't burn up. And then God taught this slow learner another lesson. He showed me that Moses was a big bundle of inadequacy and nerves and fear just like me.....

The words were truth.....leaping out through the pages. Moses was just like me. Over and over again, he tried to convince God of all that he wasn't.

But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” 

God answered, “I will be with you."

And later on......after God explained all the wondrous signs and miracles He would do, Moses protests once again......“What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?”

Lesson number two came when God told Moses to grab his staff which has now turned into a snake.

Sometimes you have to grab hold of that snake before God produces the miracle.

Moses then proceeds to work on God's last nerve, and boy don't I do that every single day?

Yet God is so full of love for Moses that he produces some help in the form of Aaron. Then the tears came and once again my love for God was as real as the flame in that bush. And there was my prayer, and this time it was real.....

And no buts about it.

A little bird told me

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

This verse comes just about in the middle of Chapter 10 when Jesus is sending His disciples out two by two. I take comfort in how many times He told the disciples not to fear. I guess I shouldn't take comfort in that, that they feared, but I do. Let's face it, the world out there can be a scary place.

Each day He sends us out too, and we never know who or what we might run into.

I guess that's why I like birds......they remind me that God takes record of every one that falls from the sky and He is taking care of me too.

When I look at this little guy, a little ordinary brown sparrow, I see a master Designer at work. I see a hundred different shades of grey, brown, tan. I look at how the feathers fold so neatly together, how those little feet can grip just about anything. Perfectly suited to their environment.

God has placed His Own Spirit within us, so that we may be totally effective. Not only that, like this little bird, when we are controlled by the Spirit, we are perfectly suited to go out into the world and be God's hands and feet. But it's a battle, no doubt about it. At times I read that list of the gifts of the Spirit and I see where I am glaringly lacking.

There are far too many times I take the Spirit places He should never be, with my thoughts, my words, my actions.

And yet, still He strives with me.

Sometimes I pretend, it's just me and Jesus. And He's giving me a pep talk in my morning prayer. That is what it really comes down to, every day.

Me and Jesus face to face. And In that moment when I meet Him, the world falls away, and nothing else matters. When He looks in my eyes, He sees my heart.

He still wants me.

In the Stillness

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering;  bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15

My prayers this morning were little more than breathing in and out. Some words came, I went down my usual list of those loved ones weighing heavy on my heart. And then as I remembered that sometimes it is okay to just be quiet and listen.....a curious thing happened.

I heard.

I heard the dove song and behind that, the freeway loading up with the morning commute. Another bird of a different kind further away. I retreated further into myself and listened for what the Holy Spirit might be praying for me. He does you know......when we can't find the words of our own.

I picked up my old Living Bible that I had picked up off the bookshelf on the way outside. It was mine first, then my Mom's. She carried it out  to me on the day I moved away from her, from my hometown....tears streaming down. Even now, the memory hurts because the years have flown by way too fast. I hold it to my chest, I hug it like I am holding her too.

I see my words, and hers on the front flap. Co-mingled together......Our thoughts of God married together on those pages.

My breathing slows and I meditate on the Lord and how He heals us, draws us together.

I whisper His language.....the one He gave to me, and in between the silent pauses where Heaven and earth connect......We connect, and He tells me again, that it will be okay.

Isn't it wonderful to know that by thanking Him, we honor Him? And not only that, thanking Him does something supernatural to our heart and soul. It sifts out all the worry and fear and stress, replaces it with joy and peace. It reminds us that God is still and always in control.

846-856

A good appointment at the Doctor for Elaine and her Mom, he saw the situation as it really was, and took time with them. It was like an SOS call that was answered.

First week at new building at work and it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be.

Good weather holding out......knowing that soon it will be too hot to go outside for very long.

Good memories made from the trip to California.

School time again for those parents and caregivers who need a break.

New Easter flag flying, bright against the sky.

As we get ready to celebrate the week of Passion once again, we know that really, each sunrise we celebrate Easter all over again.

Found rings, which I looked all over for in a panic yesterday, they turned up in the back pocket of my jeans which I had look through three times already!

Pictures that turn out, most of the time by accident and the fact that I have a really good camera.

Lunch after church......always a special time of the week.

Childlike Faith

But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, “Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” Mark 10:12,13

When Jesus heard the disciples rebuke those parents, He in turn rebuked them. He really upset about it, in fact. I like coming back to this picture of Jesus again and again, because it is clear how much He valued the childlike faith of children.

Why is it so easy for children to believe.....to have faith in something they can't see? Not only do they have the faith, they act on it. It is no problem for them to grasp the concept of knowing in order for something to really work, they have to put it into practice. They leave money under the pillow for the tooth fairy.....and lo and behold, the money is there when they wake up. It doesn't really matter to them how it works, they just take it in faith that it will because their parents told them it will.

And somehow it happens just that way. That is, until they find out it was their parents all along hiding the money under the pillow and putting the cookies out for Santa.  

We forget what was once so easy.....so natural. We get too smart to put our faith in something we can't see. Like God. But the problem is that God says that unless we do just that, we will never see Him. We will never enter His kingdom.....

So we spend the rest of our Christian walk trying to get back to that place of faith.

I miss my childlike faith. I too have cashed in on the world system. Let's face it, it's easier. I go to work, I get paid. I buy what I need. I get sick, I go to the doctor. Then if I don't get better I pray.

It's a process of going back, all our lives. Of letting go, unclenching our fists to give back to God what was His all along. I miss my childlike faith.

My Mom tells me that when I was first saved at aged 14, I was the one who really gave her the faith to give when she didn't have it. I remember praying together for a refrigerator when ours went out. My Mom had no idea where the money would come from. There was certainly not enough for one of those. Then, God answered our prayer of faith by supplying one that was almost new.....for 25 dollars!

I remember that refrigerator lasted for years and years.

I love to watch my niece at the beach. It is no problem for her to believe she can build a castle fit for a queen out of water and sand. The water washes it away and she starts all over again......

She has faith that whatever she believes can happen.

Lord, give me that kind again.

Lord of our Harvest

Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. John 4:35

I have always wondered when people say they can't pray. I think, Why can't they? Praying is just talking to God. I have always felt, if you can't pray, then you need to pray about the fact that you can't pray......

Lately though, I have found a mountain standing in the way of my prayers. The mountain has a name and it's name is resentment. It snuck in while I wasn't looking. Like those weeds that choke out the Word, resentment has crept in and made itself at home in the corner of my heart. It thought I wouldn't notice it there.

Then I noticed another thing, a very miraculous thing.......Those tares that grow side by side with the wheat? They have not been able to choke out the Thanksgiving. It has become a way of life and now it seems I can't stop counting the blessings.

It is something Supernatural, and God Himself did it.

And now? When I focus on everything that the Lord has already given, I have a harvest where I thought there was none. It is a different harvest that the one I expected, and it seems the more I gather, the more the resentment is beat back into a dark corner where it belongs.

And here's another thing I noticed. Now when someone says they just can't pray?

I understand.

He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. Psalms 126:6

Nature as prayer......

In an interview with Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Dan Rather asked her, "What do you say to
God when you pray?" She thoughtfully said, "I listen." Flustered, he tried again. "Well, then what does God say?" Mother Teresa smiled......."He listens."

Yesterday I felt like the whole day was a prayer. God spoke through His creation once again......

..........and I listened. Nature speaks more clearly of God than anything else I can think of. If we only open our eyes and ears and let Him speak through it. So I give you some photos from yesterday's trip north to a place I used to live.

The Psalmist wisely says......

"The Heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the works of His hands. Day to day pours forth speech.....

And night to night reveals knowledge.

There is no speech, nor are there words; where their voice is not heard.

Indeed, God has touched every last corner of the earth with His nature, and only the coldest heart is untouched by it.....

Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their utterances to the end of the world.....

In them He has placed a tent for the sun.

It's rising is from one end of the heavens, and its circuit to the other end of the world.

Down to the smallest detail........God has brushed our earth with His divine fingerprints. It is up to us to find His mark.....it is everywhere!

My soul exults. I breathe a prayer of thanksgiving once again for His marvelous works.

All pictures taken in and around Payson, Arizona and Tonto Natural Bridges State Park

Evening Prayer

 

Lord our God,if I have sinned this day in word, deed or thought,
forgive me all, as the good and loving God You are.
Grant me peaceful and untroubled sleep,
and deliver me from every attack and design of the evil one.
Raise me in due time to give You glory;
for blessed are You, with Your only-begotten Son and all-holy Spirit,
now and ever and to the ages of ages. Amen.

One of my favorite moments of the day is when I lay my head on my pillow, give a sigh and say a prayer of thanks. Thanks for what I did right, and maybe what I did not so right, that I have another chance to do it all over again tomorrow, by His grace.

This morning was a tough one. I felt as if everything I have been going through lately caught up with me at once. Tears flowed effortlessly as I stumbled around in the early morning hours getting ready........I wanted, needed to have a confirmation that God heard my prayer. Knew how I felt.

Sometimes we just need that as humans. We feel far from the angels, even though we know they are there. We need a touch. Sometimes we get the answer throughout the day......little assurances we feel.

Sometimes, He uses others to lift us up and over.....a smile here, and hand on the shoulder there.

And sometimes, like this morning. He shows us right away. It was as if a strong hand.....His, lifted me up and sent me on my way, and I was a little bewildered and amazed by it all..... awestruck that He would do that for me. But He did. Of that I have no doubt.

Thank you, loving Father, for knowing just what I need at the time I need it. I give you my days and my nights, for they all belong to You.

Your love for me is something I will spend my whole life trying to understand.

Prayer at top from source: http://www.orthodoxchristian.info/pages/Evening_Prayers.htm

When resentments cloud our prayers

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever, ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless." Gandhi

Yesterday morning prayer time was wonderful......I went outside and instead of being greeted with stifling heat I was met with a blessedly cool 75 degrees, something that is a distant memory between the months of May through early September here. And something else I have longed for, prayers accompanied by a little sprinkling of raindrops on the roof.

Afterwards, I went to look for my patriotic flag to hang for September 11 and remembered that it was a bit weather worn and I had thrown it out. I decided I needed to fly a real flag, so off I went to Walmart at 6:30 in the morning. Not many people there then. I drove home with my precious commodity and proudly hung it out.....red white and blue......glory against the backdrop of Arizona sky.

Today's prayer didn't go quite so well. It was clouded by a resentful thought that I could not dislodge. It came about halfway through prayer and stuck there.....

Instead of praying about it, as I should have done, I decided to keep it for awhile.....mull it over. It started me asking questions. Those irritating whys.....Forgiveness is good and right and Godly........yet so difficult when you have to live it out day in and day out.

How do you forgive someone when they have hurt someone you love?

When you are the caretaker for someone who has never cared for you, never treated you well, wounded you emotionally?

When you don't have to live with them it's easy. Out of sight, out of mind. But what if they are never out of sight? What then? It's like reopening old wounds every day.

Living out the Christian faith is easy when it's never tested. Our faith doesn't grow if it's not challenged. That's when we grow closer to Him. When we're tested. The challenge is proof that He loves us.

It's our love for God that motivates us to leave behind those things in us that are not Godly. Those things in me He wants me to change. The Holy Spirit does not deserve to live in a body and mind steeped in resentment....fear....anger. It helps to remember the sacrifice.

The terrible price that was paid for us. The ultimate price.  ^"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6: 19, 20

As I sat in a beautiful church service yesterday, remembering the sacrifice of all those people running into those burning buildings, and saw all the names of those who died streaming down the wall.......my eyes streamed too. Four candles lit, one for each plane down.

They paid with their lives for the evil someone else did. He paid with His life, for what He didn't do.

"For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Could it be that sometimes God's blessing comes from those who have been our biggest challenge in life? Could it be that He is heaping treasure in Heaven for us through this very person, these very circumstances that are the source of so much pain?

Is the very act of forgiveness the thing that will bring about the salvation for us all?

This one thing I know to be true.......God is building something eternal in us right here and now. It is something so big and so great we can scarcely imagine it. Everything we do with His help and by His power changes us forever.

Thankfulness wells up again, and again as I remember this.......

Prayer for Texas

A resident evacuates his home

 

 

These pictures tell the story.......1000 homes burned and thousands having to evacuate due to wildfires that are out of control. Please pray for everyone involved and for those fighting these fires. I pray for a day with little or no wind......These people have had no rain for months and conditions are so dry.....

A patio table and chair is all that is left

Father, I just pray that there will be no more deaths and that You calm the winds and comfort those who have lost their homes. Thank you for those who got out with their lives intact. I pray that they may be restored in body and spirit.

A cat rescued

May Your Holy Spirit grant them strength and help during this difficult time...............

Elaine just got off the phone with her cousin who lives in La Grange, Texas and they are ready to leave on a moments notice. There are fires surrounding them on all sides. Her two pet carriers are already by the front door, one for her cat and one for her Mom's.  Her husband found it humorous that  she grabbed a stuffed gorilla she had given her Dad that he had kept for years, and also the military flag she recieved after his memorial service.

It's funny, the things we reach for, what we value when all is threatened. It's not the china or the figurines, but the things that are attached to the ones we love, the memories and pictures.

Despite it all, Sandra is still in good spirits and hoping for the best. Her Mom was at the beauty shop getting her hair and nails done. Sandra says: "I guess she wants to look good in case they have to evacuate!"

Thank you my blogging buddies, in advance for your prayers!

all photos courtesy of the LA times

Prayer for ordinary people

"But if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

Some days you pray while walking around, and that's always a good thing. Some days call for face down praying right out of bed. Today was that kind. Really, every day calls for face down praying. If I think otherwise I am kidding myself. One glimpse of who God  really is would cure that in a heartbeat.

Lord, I confess that sometimes I think I can just walk through my day without asking you for help. What a mistake that is. Help me to walk in the light today. Make me a better person today, because I wasn't happy with who I was yesterday.

Oh, I don't think anyone noticed....everything looked fine on the surface, but there is always room for improvement in how I relate to people, the things that rumble around in my heart. You know those little complaints and gripes, flares of anger over things that don't matter.

I need the blood today and everyday. Without that precious covering I don't like to think where I would be.

Thank you gracious and merciful Father, for loving me when I get things wrong over and over.

I am so glad Your Grace never runs dry......Amen

Top photo: google
Bottom one: me

Morning Journal

When morning gilds the skies my heart awaking cries:
May Jesus Christ be praised!
Alike at work and prayer, to Jesus I repair:
May Jesus Christ be praised!

When you begin the day, O never fail to say,
May Jesus Christ be praised!
And at your work rejoice, to sing with heart and voice,
May Jesus Christ be praised!

German hymn, author unknown

The birds were busy this morning,  as they crisscrossed staccato clouds. Roused from their nightime secrets places of slumber, they now have places to go, things to do.

Bunny is busy too, zig-zagging further down the street. It was a gilded sunrise, everything washed in peach......I had a great night's sleep and I feel rested, first time in four days.

The moon still hangs lazily above the cloud bank to my right. I guess she is not ready to wake up on the other side of the world just yet.

What a luxury it is to sit here and watch the world wake up.

In my memory, I see myself, my Dad, a group of us standing in a circle holding hands on a green lawn, still damp with dew. We are singing the song, "Morning Has Broken." Celebration in the air......

It is Easter sunrise.

Today I had another.

 

Just today.....

"In the days before his death,his Aunt Louisa asked him if he had made his peace with God.

His answer was "I did not know we had ever quarrelled, Aunt." Attributed to Henry David Thoreau

The LORD your God in your midst,

The Mighty One, will save;

He will rejoice over you with gladness,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Thank you God for placing me here in this world you have created. I could have been born anywhere or not at all, and I thank you that I was. Each day holds a glimpse of Your Heaven. Help me not fail to notice the small moments of wonder happening all around me. Too many days have passed when I haven't.

Consider just one bird....the cactus wren, so busy, so industrious is this couple that they build not one nest, but two....one as a backup, or maybe a decoy to fool predators?

And when I consider the full moon hanging there just so, its own presence daring us not to believe. I wonder how anyone can deny that kind of majesty and say that it was not created.....

that..... it..... just..... happened

We are all born with a spark of Grace.....made for eternity.

No matter how bad I think things are, there is always so much to thank you for. Sometimes it helps to do just that.

So today, I pause.

Praying Always......

"Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—" Ephesians 6:18

"Prayer, and only prayer, restores my vision to one that more resembles God's. i awake from blindness to see that wealth lurks as a terrible danger, not a goal worth striving for; that value depends not on race or status but on the image of God every person bears; that no amount of effort to improve physical beauty has much relevance for the world beyond." Philip Yancey

I was on my break the other day at work, and decided to sit in my car a bit and listen to the radio. I was just in time for David Jeremiah's Turning Point which I used to listen to all the time. He was talking about prayer and reading from one of Philip Yancey's books. In it, he described a man, a desperate alcoholic who prayed and prayed to be released from his terrible cravings, and yet every morning his first thought was not God but Jack Daniels. At one point in his process of prayer he realized that it was God's mercy that kept the desire there. He realized that the prayer was changing him from the inside out.

Ever prayed for something for so long that you wondered whether it was doing any good at all? I know I have. But then I realize something else. Maybe that change in myself or someone else is not happening as fast as I think it should, but while I am praying about it, something else is changing.

I am drawing near to God........my faith is not weakened but strengthened. My frustrations in what I feel are unanswered prayers draw me to the Word of Life......and that in turn gives me the peace I need to wait......because I know in the waiting, something very powerful is happening.

And be assured, that thing you're praying for will happen when the time is right......

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:13,14

I join with many today in the Gratitude Community.......#700-710

Thankful list: Hanging onto cool mornings for a bit longer, answered prayer about the sale of a home, green offerings from the garden, snatched times of peace away, continued good health, air-conditioner on borrowed time that still rumbles to life, good health of my parents at 81,82, beautiful Arizona sunsets, laughter, always laughter that has continued even through stressfulness of caretaking.....friends who pray.

Real Prayer

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord......

In prayer today, my brain was like a Sunbeam mixmaster. My mind full of stuff on my list. My agenda. In a few days I am leaving on a jet plane. I need to ship a box to California, I need to go to Walmart. I haven't even showered yet. I feel time slipping by.......

I sat in prayer trying to quiet my mind and asked myself......."Why am I here?" I needed to ask it of myself, because sometimes it seems even my prayer time is all about me, and I don't want it to be. The answer that landed at the bottom of my pile of thoughts was:

I pray because I want to spend time with God, and I miss Him when I don't.

Here is a prayer I read in Kathleen Beard's wonderful book, Into the Mist that brought me up short, really short:

My Lord, I have mistreated You all my Christian life. I have treated you like a servant. When I wanted You I called for You; when I was about to engage in some work I beckoned You to come and help me perform my task. I have kept You in the place of a servant. I have sought to use You only as a willing servant to help me in my self-appointed and chosen work. I shall do so no more.

Just now I give You this body of mine; from my head to my feet, I give it to You. I give You my hands, my limbs, my eyes and lips, my brain; all that I am within and without, I hand over to You for You to live in it the life that You please. You may send this body to Africa, or lay it on a sick bed with cancer. You may blind the eyes, or send me with Your message to Tibet.

You may take this body to the Eskimos, or send it to a hospital with pneumonia. It is Your body from this moment on. Help Yourself to it. Thank you, my Lord. I believe You have accepted it for in Romans twelve and one you said, "acceptable unto God." Thank You again, my Lord, for taking me. We now belong to each other.

Raymond V. Edman

They Found the Secret

I can't help but wonder how my life would change if I only had the courage to say that prayer and mean it. This prayer humbles me beyond words.